Block 945: February 24, 2016


I almost forgot to do this today…

How is that possible?

I guess it is true; when nothing is really going on at work or in life, it’s easy to gloss over things that need to get done.

Date: February 24, 2016

Crane: 945

Days Spent on Project: 1099

Location: NW Portland, OR

Person I would have sent it to: TBD

Music I listened to while sewing: I’m listening to the sound of my dog snoring in one of his many beds. It was his second day at work this week, and I’m always surprised how that drains him. (I mean, he does enjoy the work day… several people keep treats for him and he does like running down the halls at the theater and checking in with people.)

Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: Continuing last night’s short entry…

Why am I so unsatisfied here? Everything is under control. Everything is moving along. I don’t feel like I’m in danger of getting fired or the theater closing its doors. The weather is getting nicer. Winter, it seems, is done for the season. It was sunny and warm today. My dog went to work again and he has free reign to roam around parts of the building and say hello to people. I secured funding to send one of my employees on a “research and development” mission at another regional theater so she can work under some people she’s curious to meet. I booked her travel and housing. We made progress on our Dress Project that Marketing is using.

Things are going okay.

But, here’s the question: how do I make it not just okay, but exciting?

Disregard the social and dating aspect of my life here. Please do.

Since so much of my energy and thought is devoted with work and improving it, how do I make it awesome?

I spent a long time last night talking with a freelance costume draper and maker who lives in Oregon about the staffing situation in my shop. I like this person. I like her work. I wish I could afford more of her work. But this season I can’t and so I haven’t.

How do I get the people who work for me to bump up the game a bit? How do I push them to work harder and do better and deliver more specifically without being a hard-ass? How does one say that improvement needs to be made and there’s no reason not to try harder? How do you get people to invest more?

I have a job interview on Friday morning with a company in Pittsburgh. Part of me is terrified. (What have I done? Why did I apply? Would I really move to Pittsburgh? Is this any closer to my dream or goal? What is my dream? What is my goal?) Part of me isn’t concerned at all. (I have a job. I don’t think I’m losing this job. This interview is for a position I am qualified for and for an institution that would keep me busy and invested and the people seem challenging and driven… and it pays MORE than what I’m making now… and it’s the exact same job.)

I know what Portland is like. I know it’s not ideal right now for a few reasons (where are my friends, my community, the gay boys, the theaters that I want to work with, etc.), but I know what it is. Seattle is close by. I know people and theaters in Seattle. I have friends in LA. LA is close (not really). I can start to expand my circle of influence outwards and try to make something happen elsewhere, with Portland being my base. I think the people at the theater want me here. I think they do. I think it’s being recognized that my department is running smoothly now.

I still daily think about what it would mean to start my department over… almost completely. That’s harsh, I know, but I’m almost two years in and the only way I can see to make this department my own (and more exciting and productive) is to bring in the people that I want.

But, I have a brother who lives with his family in Pittsburgh, so I’d have something there to at least get me familiar… but is moving again across the country something I want?

What do I want?

What do I want?

Deep, existential thoughts tonight. And all I want to do is watch The Walking Dead on Netflix.

Okay, why not do that… Enough thoughts for the night.



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