I’m not sure there’s much to say today yet. It’s only 10am. I’m already falling asleep at my desk. I was also up at 3am.
Date: February 19, 2016
Days Spent on Project: 1094
Location: NW Portland, OR
Person I would have sent it to: TBD
Music I listened to while sewing: Sia!
(Well, not currently. The shop is quietly working and my dog is snoring by my desk.)
But the new album is great!
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: I know why I started this project in 2013. I know what I was thinking in December 2012 when I finally started to think about my life and what I was doing and what I wanted and what I wanted to be heard and left behind. But I still don’t know what this project will turn into, if anything, or what the final piece or pieces will look like. I know what inspired me then (Pointillism! Anne Hamilton! The Bayeaux Tapestry! Alexander McQueen! Sondheim!). I know what inspires me by this now (I’m not perfect and that’s okay!). I know I have a lot to finish with it, and I’m not being obtuse when I say it won’t be done until… well.. I’m “gone for good?” (Saying “dead” seems weird now in 2016!). It’s been a great lesson on taking it one day at a time, on having something routine and consistent, on reflecting, on what I’m able to achieve, on where I’ve been, and who I am. Because I think this all boils down to “Who Is Mike Floyd?” and “Where did he come from?” and “What the Heck is he thinking, if he’s thinking anything?” So much to do and we *can* do it, even if it takes over 1100 days or a lifetime or no time. And, even then, is it worth it? Is it not worth it?
Anyway, I have 40 pages left in the book entitled The Science of Happiness.
Thought-provoking, sure, but comforting? Not really? I’m left with such doubts about it all!
It happiness is really just the by-product of a chemical reaction in my brain, how are we supposed to try and make ourselves happy?
In the end, it seems defeatist. Not really presented in a way that seems encouraging.
Anyway, let’s finish it today. I think I will start Great Expectations by Charles Dickens next… or East of Eden by Steinbeck.