Okay, I know it’s only Wednesday, but…
It feels like it’s been a week and a half already at work.
Date: January 6, 2016
Days Spent on Project: 1050
Location: NW Portland, OR
Person I would have sent it to: TBD
Music I listened to while sewing: I’m wading into the songs of HAERTS, since Spotify suggested I might like them.
So far, so good.
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: Bored at work again, I spent the day itemizing receipts and filling out paperwork and putting things away and sweeping the floor and so on.
Ready for the next show. Ready for the next challenge. Ready for the next question and problem and idea.
Spent a lot of time thinking about creating opportunities versus seizing them. How do I make opportunity here in Portland? How do I make opportunity at work?
Spent a lot of time thinking about what I want here.
Spent a lot of time thinking about the people I work with, the visiting designers we employ, the people I manage, the stories we tell, the work we produce.
Angelica Schuyler, the character based on the real Angelica Schuyler, sings in the musical Hamilton: “I will never be satisfied…”
Will I ever be satisfied? What will satisfy me here if I have to stay here? Do I have to stay here? Is opportunity elsewhere?
I know I’m bored at work. Severely bored with the work we’re doing right now, but:
Is my ambition and drive and boredom clouding my sight so much that I can’t see opportunity here? Or have I really just seen that there isn’t any opportunity here for the work I want to do and the person I want to be?
People say I need a hobby. I disagree; between this project, my dog, the gym, reading, thinking and writing about The California Project, drawing, and so on… I think I have enough time-fillers in my Life.
I think I need inspiration more than anything here.
Someone recently asked me, when finding out I consider myself a Costume Designer first and foremost in Life- rather than a Shop Manager- they asked me: what do you do for inspiration here?
I couldn’t answer anything specific.
I don’t know. I look at books, I research ideas and hunt for pictures online, I haven’t found the inspiration outside of those avenues *here* yet.
Anyway. I’m off. Maybe Netflix and some wine tonight.