Block 882: December 23, 2015

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Today is the 22nd straight day of rain in Portland. I keep thinking how much snow we’d be buried under if this happened out east.

Date: December 23, 2015

Crane: 882

Days Spent on Project: 1036

Location: NW Portland, OR

Person I would have sent it to: TBD

Music I listened to while sewing: Again with this week’s “Discover Weekly” playlist, courtesy of Spotify. Some weeks are really great.

Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: I stayed up, against my better judgement, last night until after midnight. I wouldn’t have been able to sleep any earlier, anyway, as concerned as I was about work, so I didn’t think much about it.

Woke up at 6:30am. Managed to walk The Dog outside for 15 minutes before it started pouring again. Gave up on trying to convince The Dog to come with me to work; ended up at my desk at 8am.

In the next hour, did a lot of ordering of supplies and shop needs. I also drank some coffee.

There were two fittings scheduled from 9am to 11am. They went… just okay? The designer wasn’t feeling confident by the end of them; which was unfortunate.

I had the opportunity to express my growing concern about this already large show’s growth in fittings. I expressed my concerns about how we will be going over budget. I expressed my concerns that we don’t have the wardrobe crew to handle this production. It’s day three of rehearsal and it’s just GROWING.

My shop still seems tense about last week’s job evaluations. They were quiet again today.

Anyway, the shop is off for the next four days. Maybe they were just distracted with holiday plans.

I would just like to know if I’m doing things well. Money is so tight this season in my department; I have a feeling I know why and I believe it will be better next year. I would like to know if my desire that the people who work in my department is a good thing. I want to know how to push them to be better. I want to know if it’s worth the effort here at this theater. I want to know if anyone cares because it seems they don’t with these insane limitations they impose on us. I want to know if this is worth it for me. I want to know if this is going somewhere. I want to know if this is the end of my career. I want to know if staying here is the end of my social life. I want to know if 50-60 hour work weeks for 10 months out of the year is the expectation. I want to know if I can make them improve before I become bitter.

I want to know that I’m a part of something good. Actually good and not lip service good.

I want to know if I’m appreciated.

I want to know where my friends are here.

I want to know who my friends are.

I want to know if I’m worth it.

I just want to know if This is worth it.

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