Despite how I must feel on the inside, I must be giving off a lot of confidence on the outside right now.
Date: November 10, 2015
Days Spent on Project: 994
Location: NW Portland, OR
Person I would have sent it to: TBD
Music I listened to while sewing: I’ve got a comedy special on Netflix this evening. I’m not really paying attention, but the talking is nice.
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: Today was an interesting day.
First, on a high note, a guest designer stopped by the costume shop today. He hasn’t been in Portland since we opened DREAMGIRLS back in September of 2014. His first statement?
You look great. Portland has been good to you. You look so much better.
I worried about you during that show. You looked overwhelmed. You looked a little harried.
I explained the quick (2 week) cross-country journey from New York to Portland, ending one chapter (freelance) for another (a full time job at a regional theater), leaving what I though would be my “long term” home (New York) for a city I had never even acknowledged as a possibility before (Portland).
He got it.
It was great to catch up. He’s from New York, and I *crave* that energy. I *crave* that community. I *crave* those places and theaters and people and electricity and motion and movement and stimulation. He’ll be great to have around later in the season; he’s doing our last show. I have something to look forward to, later in April and May.
He said we needed to figure out a way to fly me back to help him shop in the garment district. I’m all for that.
On a weirdly high but maybe down note, I went to talk to my production manager. I had done the math, like he asked, and figured out the numbers and totals and knew about how much it would cost to hire two new full time employees for my shop. That’s awesome news. The numbers don’t really lie… when you take into account having more full time help, and how that will greatly reduce the amount of money I’ll need for over-hire support.
I gave him a list of staff positions that I would want in my ideal shop; he asked, and I had a roster of positions that we needed to get ourselves to the next level. It wasn’t that bad. I think, in total, it was three people. If I wanted to splurge, I could add a fourth, but I realize that might not be necessary.
Then I handed him my resume. I handed him my eight page resume, listing every production I’ve worked on since 2001. Fourteen years of work, of accomplishments, of names and titles and places and credits were listed on this document and I said it: looking at that, I find it hard to believe that I’m told that I don’t have the experience to design for a regional theater.
The conversation after that was honest. He understood when I said that I might have to move on at the end of the year if I wasn’t given an opportunity to design here, since that’s what was promised when I signed my contract. He said he wanted me to. He said that we should talk later in the season.
I assume, I feel, I believe, that I gave my two week’s notice today… if you could two weeks as seven months.
I’m not sure I’ll be given the chance to design here. And I’m okay with that only because I know there are other things awaiting for me in the future. The guest designer even said it: they’d be stupid to insist on not hiring me to design. He said I’m too good not to.
I might have convinced the higher ups to bring on one or two people next year.
I might have also convinced them that I’m not tied to them, and I’m looking for my next opportunity.
Again, I don’t want to be a quitter. I don’t want to quit. But throw me a bone here, Portland.
You have to throw me a bone.