Everyone has their head down at work today; no time not to be working.
Date: October 12, 2015
Days Spent on Project: 965
Location: NW Portland, OR
Person I would have sent it to: TBD
Music I listened to while sewing: Spotify is playing The Chemical Brothers quietly in my office. The shop is listening to Nina Simone. It’s quite the mash-up.
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: Contrary to what I said yesterday, I did not simply come to work to help new employees sign paperwork and contracts, lead my weekly shop meeting, and then leave for home. I’m still here. Granted, I’m working slowly and not really pushing myself to do anything, but I am still here.
I really want to go home, watch TV, and tune the world out. I don’t know what that means exactly.
I don’t really know if I believe in Fate or a Pre-Determined Life Path. I don’t really know if I believe that everything happens for a specific reason.
I do hope, in the end, that my move to Portland and this experience with this theater and this job wasn’t a mistake.
I wonder if it was. I do.
Yes, any experience working in this field is educational. Any experience broadens your understanding of the process. Any experience working teaches you something.
And I have learned a lot. For that I’m thankful. I’m thankful that I can say I managed a shop for two seasons with a regional theater and that I did it well. I’m thankful to have worked at managing. Managing people, resources, designers, money, time.
I guess I don’t really know what to want right now.
Is the designing/designer portion of my life done? Has Portland ended that aspect of my work and life?
I guess for now, I’d like to go home and sit down and think about something else other than work and theater and my life here and where else I’d want to be. I’d like to be able to sit down and be in the present, and for that present to be pleasant and enough.
Tall order, right?