Block 758: August 21, 2015

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TGIF. Thank God It’s Friday. THANK GOD IT’S FRIDAY.

Date: August 21, 2015

Crane: 758

Days Spent on Project: 913

Location: NW Portland, OR

Person I would have sent it to: TBD

Music I listened to while sewing: Pandora is again on in the costume shop. I don’t recognize any of the music on the channel that we selected this morning.

One of our overhire stitcher is our unofficial DJ. She’s brave enough to start the music playing and deal with all the commentary for 8 hours.

Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: Today, I need to remind myself that if I want anything, I just have to do it. It’s not enough to say you want to do it or that you’re working on it or that you started it… you actually have to make it happen.

Today, as bored (and slightly frustrated) as I am with the situation (at work and in Portland), I have to remind myself that I’ve either bought into this idea that I have a full time job and that’s what I do meaning that I leave for work at 8am and I get home after 6pm and walk my dog for a while and then settle down for the evening and go to bed and “do things” only on the weekend…

OR…

I have this job, which demands a lot of my time for 10 months out of the year, and start advocating publicly that I should be given the opportunity to design here when they only seem to hire designers who are unavailable and I’m contracted to be here all the time, so that I can at least get some creative exercise here…

OR…

I do the work with this job and do it well and advocate for myself and try to make them realize that I want to design for them but I won’t get on my hands and knees and BEG for the work and let them make their decision BUT also make the creative outlet that I want (The California Project) happen SOMEHOW here…

OR…

Who knows.

I need to start advocating for myself. If this is the way of the future, I’m only going to get more and more bored with the situation of finishing design work for other designers who aren’t available and/or interested.

I understand I made a huge career compromise when I left New York and the freelance designer lifestyle for a job at a regional theater, managing a costume shop, BUT that doesn’t mean I gave up that part of my life that still really wants to exist. I don’t know why it can’t here. I don’t know why people here don’t think I can handle the work. I don’t know what’s going on.

TGIF, for sure, y’all.

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