And we’re back, ladies and gentlemen…
Date: August 3, 2015
Days Spent on Project: 895
Location: NW Portland, OR
Person I would have sent it to: TBD
Music I listened to while sewing: I went back to “Ain’t No Sunshine” by Simioli today. The remix I’m listening to is only 2 minutes and 49 seconds, which is a shame because it’s absolutely perfection in its repetition and lightheartedness, which is in opposition to the lyrics being sung, I guess.
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: Last night I took the dog for a short walk at 9pm. I did the dishes. I turned off the computer and set my alarm for 6am. I picked up a book “The Empire of Sin” by Gary Krist, a non-fiction book about New Orleans in the late 19th and early 20th Centuries, which I had bought earlier in the day. My dog was soon snoring in his bed a few feet away from mine.
And then I was up. Until 1:15am, when I finally turned off my lights after pacing around and thinking about what today was like.
The first day of school. My second day of school here in Portland.
When I was freelancing in New York, every first day of rehearsal had all the excitement, anxiety, optimism, and falsehood of stepping into a high school after two and a half months of summer vacation. Anything was possible and you had so much to look forward to; everyone was wearing something new, wearing a bright smile, wearing the impression that they were glad to be back, glad to be here, glad to be a part of something. And that something was always going to be great, if not amazing.
Now that I’m based at a regional theater, one that seems to have a new first day of rehearsal every three to four weeks, I guess THIS is my first day of school. I get to welcome back the people who work with and under and around me for the next 10 months. I’ve been here, trying to prep everything for the season. Things have been cleaned, organized, sorted, labelled, boxed away, hung up, and refreshed. I’m ready to start again.
And after seeing everyone walk into the shop, after being gone from the theater or Portland, I think we’re all ready to start again.
I know this is all fresh and new. I know I’m well-rested and have had a good 10 weeks to decompress. I’m aware that in a few months, I’ll be tired and cranky and sad to be there 6-7 days a week, sometimes for 14 hours at a time. I know that exhaustion is close.
But, you know what’s also there, with all the Pollyanna-wide-eyed optimism? Possibility.
So many things seem within reach right now. I no longer am a stranger to the theater. People know me, and I know them. We all have opinions of the work. I’m a part of this work. And, this season, this truly is the shop *I’M* managing. There may be faint traces of the guy I replaced but he’s now in the past and I’ve moved beyond the system he tried to put in place.
I feel good right now. I feel like I’m a part of a team, which I never really believed last season: I was the newbie from New York (and Yale, heaven forbid) who came and gave off the impression that I was going to change things.
I did change things. I hoped to redirect the Titanic.
It’s possible I’ll still scrape a part of that iceberg, but I think I might have fully redirected things.
Again, I believe there’s possibility ahead of me right now.
Things are in the works. And that feels great.
(Now, I just have to figure out how to be able to do all the things I want here, instead of all the things I’m obligated to do… that’s the next obstacle.)