Sitting on a deck on a cliff in Neskowin, Oregon this morning overlooking the Pacific Ocean this morning.
Date: July 8, 2015
Days Spent on Project: 869
Location: Neskowin, OR
Person I would have sent it to: Rachel L.
Rachel was the third and last costume designer working at that Arkansas Summer Theater Festival in Conway, Arkansas. She and I arrived on the same day, I believe.
At first, I was incredibly intimidated by her. She was incredibly organized, meticulous with the clothes she wanted, and asked that the standards remain high for her show. As someone who was trying to roll with the punches (two dozen performers with several looks and a minuscule budget of $2500, I was learning to loosen my standards), I was impressed with her work and her attitude.
As the summer slowly wore on, and Jeff and Lauren and Rachel and I started to cling to each other for support, I was glad to know her and work alongside her.
She’s based in Chicago, and works in that regional market frequently and knows a lot of the same people I do. This past season, when the possibility that I might be moving to Milwaukee came up, I reached out to her, knowing that we might be working together soon. In the end, when that opportunity fizzled, I was a little sad that I wouldn’t get to work with her again.
Anyway, I like Rachel and respect her work. In the end, I have no idea why she and I were in Arkansas doing those shows, but… work is work.
Music I listened to while sewing: I’m listening to the sound of the Pacific Ocean today.
I realize I must be getting old when the sound of waves crashing is enough to make and fill my day.
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: Interesting trip here to Neskowin. I’m realizing that I need help. If I want to work on this immersive theater stuff, I will need more support. I will need more than I can do.
It’s not a surprise, sure, that any theater collaboration requires a team. I know that. But, my desire is to do this. I want to make this happen. To do that, I need a team that is working towards a shared goal.
In the end, I’m learning, it isn’t about making something that will turn a profit. I do want it to be successful. If I do this, I’d want it to be seen and I’d want to find an audience for this. I think that audience exists. But getting rich off of this? Not the goal. (I don’t want to cheat collaborators, of course [as I’ve been in that position before], but I also don’t want to bankrupt myself.)
I still want to do it.
I don’t want to keep putting it off… waiting for that producer or that support from that one company or that grant. I don’t want to say, “Hey, I really want to do this but I’ll only do this when the time is right.” When is the time ever right?
Coming here has been good. I know I need to keep working on The Backstory, as it’s still called. I know I need to just commit. I’ll either do this or I won’t. And if I do this, what do I need?
How do I want to do this?
What do I want this to become?
Because, while mounting any theater is hard and if not impossible, I don’t want to whitewash it or simplify it or water it down. Sure, be responsible, but stay true to what the style is and what I think the style can be.
At times like this, I wish I just had one person who sat there, listened to me, and then said, “I hear you and I believe in you. Let’s work.”
I need a team.