I am taking a personal day from work today… and tomorrow. Four day weekend for the win.
Date: June 25, 2015
Days Spent on Project: 856
Location: NW Portland, OR
Person I would have sent it to: Molly S.
Molly was yet another one of the UCI students who volunteered to help us out with The California Project last spring. Vinnie and I cast her as one of the meatier parts in the project, after seeing what kind of energy she brought to the group after a few days of rehearsal. Watching her work, I realized HER character’s story and how it related to Gigi’s character drove the event. As I started writing the backstory, some ten months prior, I’m not sure I realized how key the conflict between those two female characters would become. Instead of The Backstory being about one idea, it was turning into a story about a family imploding.
Which was NOT what Vinnie and I set out to do.
I found that interesting to think about. But it did, strangely enough, fit into the work and the stories that I was using as inspiration.
Molly’s chapter within the The Backstory still hasn’t been determined yet. I’ve roughed out most of the plot points for all the other characters, but then I keep revolving back to her. How does she end up? What becomes of her? If this is about implosion, her story has to be resolved (ended) as well, and I’m still trying to figure out how and why.
Writing is so interesting, isn’t it?
Music I listened to while sewing: Back to something tried and true… Madonna’s Rebel Heart.
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: I have this weird, perverse thought every once and while. If, for some reason, something happens to me in the next few years, and someone had to walk into my apartment, I wonder what their reaction would be to see the piles of quilted crane blocks spread around my apartment and the notes I leave for myself about something called The California Project.
This thought circles around a fear I’m having. I fear– and it is something I do worry about– of being forgotten.
I discarded not only physical objects (furniture, clothes, etc.) when I made the quick move across the country last year. But, now I worry that I discarded a part of myself with those Goodwill drop-offs and Craigslist ads for old things sold cheap.
This, of course, is an opportunity for reinvention, but to a point. It’s been almost a year; shouldn’t I have found myself *here* yet?
Perhaps this fear grows out from my work routine these days. I head into work a little late and leave a little early. During those hours I’m there, “working,” I never see anyone. I’m usually the only one in my area of the building. Maybe because it’s summer and everyone seems to be distracted by trips and vacations and not responding to texts or phone calls or emails.
I crave, more than anything right now, someone to depend on.
My father’s constant response is that I need to date more. But it’s not that necessarily (although that would be nice); I really just want to know who my friends are and where they are now.
Anyway. I’m taking the day off. It’s going to be super hot and dry in Portland all weekend, so we’ll see what happens.