TGIF on this very slow week. Even fewer people are at work today than yesterday!
Date: May 29, 2015
Days Spent on Project: 829
Location: NW Portland, OR
Person I would have sent it to: AnnaLeigh S.
When I went to Los Angeles for that weekend vacation, back in November 2013, my social calendar was crammed before I even set foot outside of LAX. The first night was drinks and drinks and more drinks and roaming around West Hollywood and getting into trouble I don’t remember. (Ooops.) The second day, Saturday, was spent mostly recovering. Just recovering.
Dave did manage to get me to Venice Beach for a walk on the beach. He then took me to the Grove so I could… shop. (It’s not as fun for me since I spend so much time doing that for work and, PS, I was super broke at the time.) I ate the fattiest dinner ever, and felt somewhat normal again.
The following day was that birthday brunch, where I was jokingly mocked for Friday, a trip to the Chinese Theater and the Hollywood Star Walk of Fame and the Hollywood sign, and then (and then!) an evening at the Chateau Marmont.
Yep, my last evening in Los Angeles was spent having expensive drinks (I was careful though) sitting in the outdoor bar area at the Chateau Marmont.
At the Chateau Marmont.
This evening, I was introduced to AnnaLeigh, another very good friend of Dave’s. They worked together at the same agency, and known each other for a while, and had more than a few stories between them. Dave was excited for me to meet her. If I had to compare her and their friendship, I’d say it seemed reminiscent of my friendship with Cait F. back in Louisville. When Dave moved to New York City earlier this year, AnnaLeigh has visited from LA several times. It’s good to see their thick and thieves.
Dave’s quest to impress me with all that Los Angeles had to offer was working. By the end of the weekend, I was so questioning any of the choices I had made which took me to New York. That evening, I quietly said that “I don’t want to go back.”
And I meant it.
This was 2013, the year that this project started (it was only 9 months along at this point and certainly under 200 Cranes), and I had suffered what I consider three large career blows: I had been fired, accosted by an actor during a show, and refused payment from one theater company. I was just celebrating one year of living in Washington Heights and, as nice as it was to be there, I was learning that I was strangely physically removed from the people I wanted to be with, the work I wanted to do, the places I wanted to be, etc. 2013 was the year when I admitted that I was just lonely. Alone. And that loneliness, that anger directed towards others who had affected my “career,” that sadness that I wasn’t… well, more popular… was wrecking havoc on my esteem and confidence. Those two and a half days in Los Angeles: those maybe 60 hours were a needed salve that I needed. I hadn’t been alone that entire time. I was in groups. I was having conversations. I was out.
I’m not sure if Dave knew it or not- maybe he did from a distance of 3000 miles- but I needed that so badly.
I was incredibly sad to leave the next morning on a 6am flight.
Music I listened to while sewing: Dance All Day! I’m in love with a song called “Peanut Butter Jelly” by Galantis.
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: It surprises me that sometimes certain fabrics never seem to find a suitable pairing, until they do and then it just works without question. How could I not have known that the other fabric was there? I guess that’s a larger lesson for all of us.
I suppose I just need to be patient.