The mean reds today.
Date: May 20, 2015
Days Spent on Project: 820
Location: NW Portland, OR
Person I would have sent it to: I’m just going to stay on a New York City Real Estate Tangent for a few more days…
…because real estate- finding it, acquiring it, paying for it, dealing with it- is the one thing that unites everyone in that city.
Anyway, today I will thank the last New York City superintendent… Antoine L. I moved into my Washington Heights apartment in November 2012. Or I was supposed to move in at the beginning of the month; Hurricane Sandy had pretty much stopped the city, so any dream of moving away from the UES and to the way way way UWS was rescheduled at the last minute. Not because of the movers, necessarily, but because the people at the new building hadn’t finished “remodeling” my new apartment. So… for 12 days I may have squatted in my UES apartment, hoping no one would notice that I wasn’t gone, or show my apartment to a broker, or move in.
Antoine started his job as a super in my new building practically when I moved in. He was new to it. He didn’t approve of the way my movers moved me into the building. He didn’t approve of the way my Ikea furniture was delivered. He came to investigate the leaking ceiling, the mushrooms that were growing out of the walls and ceiling in my bathroom, the kitchen faucet that would only dribble water out; he didn’t do much else.
When I left New York last summer, I scheduled a car service to pick my dog and I up at 5am (or was it 4am?). I was “supposed” to have Antoine look through my apartment before I left to make sure I didn’t leave any damaged floors or walls. I never managed to confirm a time with him, so I put my keys in a Ziploc bag, wrote my name and number on a piece of paper, and taped it to his apartment’s door knob in the wee hours. Then, I put my dog in his traveling case, got my one suitcase, and got in a car to go to JFK.
I never got my security deposit back.
Music I listened to while sewing: Totally on a Madonna kick this morning. Not sure how much I love the new album (I mean, it’s great and all…), but some of the songs are good for me in the moment.
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: I woke up this morning, feeling a little groggy and under the weather. I didn’t sleep well, so I was up before 5am. I’d say I’m getting sick, but didn’t I just get over a cold last week?
This morning, feeling as I was, I was struck by how much I wasn’t treating myself correctly in New York. It wasn’t abnormal for me to stay up late- until midnight- daily and be up by 7am. It wasn’t resting well. I wasn’t sleeping enough. I wasn’t eating well. I was probably drinking too much.
I believe I was placing myself in a fog each night; instead of living life, I was trying to make things okay and fine by retreating from it.
Here in Portland, I feel a little sluggish and slow and soft. I don’t get to the gym 6 days a week. I don’t run as often as I’d like. (Full time jobs strangely get in the way, I’ve learned.) I don’t think I’ve gained weight here. I just feel like my composition has changed a bit in the past 10 months.
I’m okay with that.
My tolerance for alcohol has dropped too. That’s a good thing. It’s a weird thing.
I’m good with that.
I’m trying to put myself to bed by 10pm each night. I’m reading more.
This is good.
I’ve starting to make lists of things that I want to accomplish, to read, to do, to see, to visit.
I think that’s awesome. I can finally relax in some ways. Life doesn’t have to revolve around a constant push or struggle. Life could be less harried.
That is good.
I just need to find that balance; I want to relax into life- instead of retreating from it- but I still want to have the drive and ambition to accomplish more.
I don’t think I’m done yet.
Portland has reminded me of that.