Block 663: May 17, 2015


I have such hopes!

Date: May 17, 2015

Crane: 663

Days Spent on Project: 817

Location: NW Portland, OR

Person I would have sent it to: Continuing on with that web-series that I did back in February 2013, I’d have to send this Crane to Ross E.

He wrote the six episodes for that web-series. He was also going to direct it. He was also going to be the star of the web-series. That’s a lot of work.

Remember when I did the web-series Oh, Liza? Yes, one of the writers was also the main character in that, but she was wise enough to realize that she needed someone else on the other side of the camera to direct the shoot, manage all the logistics of what the web-series would end up being, etc. Ross had a very large list of responsibilities to tackle with this web-series; doing the entire season of 6 episodes in four days didn’t help matters that much.

The scope of the six episodes was extremely ambitious. Looking back this is (and was) a huge lesson for me: understand your resources and use them as best you can. Somethings will have to cost money. Sometimes money DOES make things better (conversely, sometimes it doesn’t). Specificity helps. Just because you have one thing at your disposal doesn’t make it the right thing. Wait for the right thing. Wait for the right time. Put in the work.

Generic isn’t good. We don’t need more generic entertainment.

Ambition is good. Teamwork is best. Work with what you have.

In the end, I chose to design this project because I wanted to help out my friend Diana, who said it might lead to more work with her production company. I also wanted to work with and meet more theater people. I wanted experience. (In the end, I was paid $300 for being on set for 4 fourteen hour days, styling the clothes, and taking care of any wardrobe needs… I didn’t do it for the money, obviously).

In the end, I don’t know how the web-series turned out. I never saw the finished product. I do know they DID finish the series, and they did release it on their online channel. I never made a point to find it or watch it.

I never heard from Ross again. The wrap of the series was quick, rushed, and a little chaotic. I’m not sure what he’s up to now, although I’ve heard that particular web-series might not be continued. (That shoot was 15 months ago, practically a different chapter in my life now.)

(Side note: Just watched some of the episodes online. Yep, I found the series… I have some opinions!)

Music I listened to while sewing: I was being brave this morning, and let Spotify suggest something. I’m listening to “Deep House” music. So far, so good.

Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: Here’s something that I have to admit, and I don’t know if it’s because I’m *new* to having a “real” full time job (and no longer freelance) or if it’s because I’m new *here*…

There’s a lot of toxic energy here.

I hope I can manage my energies in this building so that it’s just my job, and not anything I invest in too personally or emotionally. This is an opportunity for me to add another solid line of experience on my resume. This is an opportunity for me to get paid regularly. This is an opportunity for me to stop “wasting” energy on things like hunting for the next job and worrying about when I can pay my bills. This is an opportunity for me to use that previously *wasted* energy on more constructive things… like figuring out what I want to create, learning more about design, trying new things, working on improving myself and my attitude towards myself.

I hope I can manage to take this job for what it is- an opportunity- and not let the bitterness or fear or toxicity get me down.

If I let that happen, I’ve failed. I left New York to improve my life and attitude. If *being here* instead upsets or compromises myself and my attitude, I’ll have to change things again.

Just do the work. Go home. Move on.

Keep moving.

I don’t want to be toxic here.

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