Block 645: April 29, 2015

IMG_0545

After having looked over all the 645 pictures of Cranes I’ve taken, I can safely say that my skill level as a Quilted Origami Crane Maker has certainly improved over the past 26 months.

Date: April 29, 2015

Crane: 645

Days Spent on Project: 799

Location: NW Portland, OR

Person I would have sent it to: Well, for that outdoor Shakespeare show I did almost two years ago, I think there are two people left to acknowledge.

Daniel S. was cast as one of the leads in the show. Every once and a while, you will run across an actor that makes you question your worth, your value, your skills. Sometimes it goes beyond, “Wow, I totally missed the boat on this character” or “Wow, I can’t seem to find clothes that fit” or “Wow, I can’t figure out how to make this work.” Sometimes an actor will go beyond that and verbally accost you as a designer and a person.

And sometimes you have to stand up for yourself.

And sometimes you have to walk away.

Music I listened to while sewing: OK Go. I have such a huge talent-crush on all the members of that band, it’s weird.

Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: So, I’m here in Portland and my Facebook feed yesterday was all abuzz with all the Tony nominations.

And it seems that I’m at that point in my life where some of my friends and Yale classmates are up for nominations. Granted, this isn’t the first time, but this is the first time that I’ve been removed from that scene by 3000-some physical miles. I got a little homesick and frustrated.

But that’s done and gone! I have to stay on track and stay present. I chose to be here; I chose not to be there. This is my current reality.

Focus on the here and now. Make of it what you will. Keep making progress. Keep working on what you need to work on. Make myself better. Treat myself better.

I can’t tell myself “Because you’re in Portland, you’ve obviously failed as a theater designer.”

I can’t tell myself “Because you’re not designing currently, that doesn’t mean you’ve failed as a theater designer.”

I can’t tell myself “Because you’re working in Portland, you’ll not get any more opportunities to grow as a designer or theater person.”

I can’t tell myself there are no more opportunities. I think there are.

I have to find them. I have to find the people who want to work towards something. I have to find people to talk to who don’t think I’m a weird east coaster who’s come to gentrify their bucolic world, who don’t think I’m crazy when I ask why theater has to be like this and not this, who want to have some fun doing the work.

I’m still looking. There is opportunity. There has to be. There is a point to me being here.

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