I made a Crane two days ago, which I stared at when finished. It was the first time in a long while that I thought, “That’s terrible and I hope I don’t have to use it.”
But then I thought, maybe that’s the beauty of it. It is what it is. I thought it was going to be different than what it turned out to be, but this is what happened.
Accept it. Move on.
This isn’t that Crane, in case you’re curious.
Date: April 23, 2015
Days Spent on Project: 793
Location: NW Portland, OR
Person I would have sent it to: Tim C.
My second time designing at Providence College- The Good Doctor by Neil Simon- I worked with a new design team… different set designer whom I never met (he literally sent it the design, the groundplan, and it was decided he didn’t need to visit) and then a new-to-me lighting designer named Tim C.
What’s strange is that I knew his name and his work. I believe he was from the NYU network. I had never worked with him before, and I can’t remember having seen his work, but I knew of him.
That show wasn’t the most interesting one for the two of us: I spent most of the budget renting things from other companies and he was lighting a series of rooms, it seems. But, we both shared an on-campus apartment for the week. I believe he was going to do the next production at the college… maybe it was the upcoming dance concert or the winter production.
Music I listened to while sewing: I’m listening to “Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow” on Pandora in the costume shop. The original… by the Shirelles… not the heart-breaking Amy Winehouse cover.
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: I’m feeling okay today. I’m feeling better. Things have calmed down for the moment.
Could everything here be okay? Actually okay?
So, in the interest of the ill-fated Crane I made the other night- the one didn’t quite thrill me- I have to say this.
I made the choices that led me here. I’m here now. It is what it is. This moment, this time in my life, this work that I’m doing right now, isn’t going to define me forever if I don’t want it to. It’s my Now and I’ll have a Future still.
I made my bed, and I’m learning to enjoy it as best I can.
But I still need to find my creative outlet. Divorcing my creative juju from the work I’m doing now might seem strange, but this is my job now and I have to find something else to get my Art on.