Block 636: April 20, 2015


Another work week is underway, and we’re all looking for things to do… It seems crazy that just 10 days ago, we were in a mad rush to finish a show before it opened that night.

Date: April 20, 2015

Crane: 636

Days Spent on Project: 790

Location: NW Portland, OR

Person I would have sent it to: When I was working with the Covergences Theatre Collective, run by my friend Jeremy W., he introduced me to the man who wrote the hours long Opera, or choral piece, that would be the text for the hours long dance piece that we were to undertake and construct in May of 2013.

It was a piece this man wrote over the course of several years. In ways, it seemed to me- an outsider- that the piece was a way for this man to work his way around a dark moment in his life. I believed this story, this music, this conglomeration of different instruments and sounds and movements and stories and cultures was the way this man knew to express his reasoning for that that event was. He was trying to understand how brutal normal people can be in an instant, and then how people are left to rebuild and reconstruct themselves after an incident like this.

For me, the piece was about a lot of things. But, I took away from the experience of designing such a small workshop of what “wanted” to be an epic dance/music piece was that it was an event of remorse and forgiveness. It was theater about working through pain and hurt. It was a personal explanation, an excuse, a narrative seeking that forgiveness… from himself and also from the other person involved.

I’m not sure what that piece would be like if it had a fully fleshed out production. I believe it could have used some editing… but again, we had less than three weeks to build over two hours worth of movement. I was interested in working on it. I had ideas to make it visually interesting. Ultimately, I’d be curious to know if it turned into anything like a real production. It seemed so personal, so heartfelt, so personally cathartic. I wondered if there was an audience for it.

So, I guess for that experience, I’d have to send this crane to Christopher M.

Music I listened to while sewing: Again with the Madonna! Although, I did hear that Death Cab for Cutie has a new album… Maybe it’s time to switch things up again.

Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: I can’t believe I’m 36 years old.

I can’t believe how YOUNG that feels. I can’t believe, when I think of my “adult life” how things really only “sped up” in the last 5 or 6 years. Really, when I think about it, I don’t think my adulthood started until I turned 30. In ways, I think I was just fumbling around unawares of the world and lives around me before then, especially in my 20s.

I don’t know if that speaks to the generation that I’m a part of (which is?) or how the world has allowed us to age. I’m sure it says something.

Really, right before I turned 30- days before actually- my last boyfriend broke up with me. A few months later, I worked on my first Broadway production. Months after that, I moved INTO Manhattan. Then, immediately after, I got my dog. Life was split between the obligations of work, finding work, making money, taking care of the dog, and rolling with the punches of freelance and New York. I moved to Washington Heights. I freelanced more. I assisted more. I had periods of no work. I had periods of destitution. I got a job. I moved across country. I’m trying to rediscover what it means to have friends, to make friends (and in my 30s at that!), to make work My Work and not My Life, to figure out what else I can do to get that creative output still out there, trying to pay off student loans… trying to feel like an adult.

Do we ever truly feel like Adults? Like Adults that we thought adults were when we were kids?

I don’t know.

Anyway, I’m struck by how young I am at 36 and I’m bewildered by how much I think I’ve done while also realizing that I thought I’d done so much more.

I have so much more to do…

I think I have so much more time to do things in than I was aware of…

I think I need to get started…

I realize that no one is going to give me any more opportunities. I have to make them. OR, if I just sit around and wait, I have to be okay with not Being Ambitious like I thought I was.

So much to do. So much to get done.

Anyway, off to shop for work.


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