Block 613: February 24, 2015

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Date: February 24, 2015

Crane: 613

Days Spent on Project: 735

Location: NW Portland, OR

Person I would have sent it to: That little ill-fated theater piece…

In the end, it wasn’t a piece of theater that was going to change the world. It wasn’t going to be noticed. It wasn’t going to last long anywhere. And my connection to it happened randomly: I was recommended by another designer I had assisted a few times in the past.

So, why has that show become this albatross around my emotional neck these days?

When I think back to that summer of 2012 and all the insanity surrounding that experience, I remember the huge relief when my last day on contract came in mid-July. I was already to committed to another show out of town, and my last day in that “workshop” was supposed to be the first day of tech. But, in no surprise to anyone, tech was delayed a week since they hadn’t finished staging the show. I remember having the most politically polite lunch ever with the designer, wishing her good luck and good bye and then took off.

But, unsurprisingly because theater is so random and surprising, the show was scuttled back into activity the next Spring. It was announced that it was transferring to Broadway. I should have remembered the previous summer better; if I hadn’t been needing the work, I would have avoided it, and if I hadn’t wanted another Broadway credit on my resume, I would have avoided it.

I should have avoided it. Because that second production of that workshop was one of the largest nails in the coffin that was to be my life in New York. In a move that didn’t surprise me, I was a casualty of the show. I wasn’t the only one, but my experience was one of the sloppier ones.

I was fired two weeks into working on the show. And I know why. And it took me a while to think this without my emotions boiling over, but I was thrown under the bus and I know by whom and I know how. And I was angry. I still believe there are people in your life that you’ll never truly “be okay with” after some experiences. Maybe I’ll be able to completely forgive her at some point in my life. I already dedicated a Crane to her in this project, so she’s out of the way.

Today, unfortunately, I’d send this crane to Steve D., the person who fired me over the phone.

The next day I was told to walk to the his company’s office, drop off my keys, return my petty cash advance, and sign my contract (that they’d been withholding…) so they could legally fire me.

That time, I was only with the production for two weeks. Yes, it hurt. Yes, I’m still embarrassed by that work and I’ll never put it on my resume or link myself to that designer, so I’m not 100% over it. But, as I walked out of those offices on 41st street, in June of 2013, I again felt a HUGE sense of relief.

I could suddenly breathe again.

I’m glad I didn’t work on the show. I’ve heard stories. I read the reviews. In the end, I’m thankful.

But, I still spent a lot of time crying during the summer of 2013.

Music I listened to while sewing: In one ear, I’m listening to my dog snore in his beg beside my desk…

In the other ear, I’m listening to the shop work. Finally, we have something to do!

I really want to turn on some pop music, though… not sure what.

Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: Well, at the end of they day, all I can do is follow a few other opportunities as they arise.

I’ve learned opportunities don’t frequently appear, so when one jumps out you might as well follow it as best you can.

I feel better now; at least I have an option now. And it’s nice to get feedback and feel like there is opportunity out there.

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