These tech rehearsals are never-ending. We’re still going…
Date: February 22, 2015
Days Spent on Project: 733
Location: NW Portland, OR
Person I would have sent it to: I’m still going to wade through that entire experience I had in 2012, with that one show that was just destined to be an “experience.”
The designer had been fairly insistent on hiring an assistant for the “workshop,” especially because she was visiting from California. She had a former student who had (recently) moved to New York, but she wanted someone with a little more experience in New York. Hence, I was hired.
But, we brought in another assistant soon after, as we realized there was a lot of work and there were an infinite number of unknowns left to ponder and discover. So, we brought on a then-current NYU grad student named Tamara A. to help with the shopping and creation of the piece.
Tamara was great. Hands down, great; I’m really glad she was there for those few weeks. I’m not sure what she felt of the process or the product, but she was a huge help.
I gather she’s still in New York, and she’s done with Tisch now, but I don’t know what’s keeping her busy these days. I haven’t run into her since; the only notifications I get are from Facebook, and those are sporadic at best.
Music I listened to while sewing: Back with Madonna today since I’m in the apartment, specifically the MDNA tour album.
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: It’s amazing what you learn when you just sit back and let other people talk.
I am simultaneously confused and super-aware of WHY I’m here in Portland and HOW I got this job in Portland. However, I do not know how I feel about any of this.
And, in the past week, I’ve talked to three people with wildly different outside connections to where I work, and each of them has expressed some concern that I’m here.
I have so many things I want to say, but there’s really no point. I know now that the feelings I’ve been having for the past seven months aren’t completely unfounded.
In the end, this experience has been great. I’ve had a few months to get my head clear, away from the noise and stress of New York and surviving as a freelancer in that city. I’ve slept more. I’ve taken better care of myself. I’ve managed to save some money. I’m paying my bills. I’ve done a lot of thinking.
I know now that I can do this. There’s no reason for me not to feel confident in my work and my ability and my capability.
There’s really no reason for me to feel unconfident here. There’s just not.