Block 536: December 1, 2014

crane

It’s December again; where did 2014 go?

Date: December 1, 2014

Crane: 536

Days Spent on Project: 651

Location: NW Portland, OR

Person I would have sent it to: Meghan C.

Meghan was the wardrobe supervisor on Priscilla Queen of the Desert who took over when Rick left to take other work. She had worked with the Associate Costume Designer previously, on Shrek, which was good for us because there was a good camaraderie between all of us. She also knew how to handle big, awkward costume that weren’t everyday things.

Like giant light up cupcakes. Or huge paintbrush dresses. Or the Gumbie outfits. Or the never-ending series of Australian animals that showed up for the finale number. And the Sydney Opera House dresses.

The list goes on and on. And she managed to handle a situation stacked against her– coming in later than everyone else, not receiving a majority of the “specialty” costumes until the week before dress, having fittings incredibly quickly and simultaneously in a basement room, working with a crew of local dressers that she didn’t have time to vet beforehand… Like I said, the list goes on.

She was on the project for the length of its Toronto, pre-Broadway engagement, and then also when the show transferred to the Palace Theater on Broadway. Not working on the Broadway leg of Priscilla, I don’t know much of what she’s doing now… but I do know that she was connected to Pippin’s latest revival on Broadway. I reached out to her when I saw the show last year; she responded to say that she was glad I got the chance to see it.

Music I listened to while sewing: I’ve got my Electro-positivity playlist this morning. I think I need something a little more snappy though.

Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: I’m a little bit behind this morning. Something about the long weekend- even though I was here everyday- just made things stockpile up in every other department.

As I get to this chapter in my life- late 2010 and Priscilla- I’m starting to wonder if this is where my life flipped upside down for the worst. If I could go back, what would I have done differently? Were things just stacked against me? Was I never going to succeed at that level? At that time? With those people?

Was this when I realized I wasn’t making friends- that I was making business connections tenuously based only on them (or me) being able to hand out work to me (or them)?

Was this the show that should have taught me that Broadway is a business foremost about the bottom line, and not really about artistic merit?

I keep telling myself, given the nature of the personalities needed to put on a show like Priscilla, that there would have been conflict and tension and insecurity. It wasn’t necessarily about me. I don’t think it was ever truly about me or because of me.

I can think of other teams that I get along with- other people that get along with me- so it’s not that *I* failed at that point.

Every time I think about Priscilla, I question whether I was good enough to be there. That I was fun enough to be there. That I was *gay enough* to be there. That I was smart enough or smooth enough or wily enough or rich enough or popular enough or outgoing enough or skilled enough to be there.

Machiavellian enough.

I was confident that I could do the work on Fela and Come Fly Away, and to a certain extent Newsies…

But with Priscilla, I don’t ever– and won’t ever probably- allow myself to believe that I was (whatever) enough to be there. Or here.

I do not like that period of my life, looking back.

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