Monday. After a weekend spent at work. It’s Monday.
Date: November 24, 2014
Days Spent on Project: 644
Location: NW Portland, OR
Person I would have sent it to: Joey P.
Joey and I have actually never met. Our entire friendship has happened by way of Facebook and text messaging. He tells me he saw me/said hello at one of the Previews for Newsies when it was on Broadway, but I do not remember this at all.
Which is a shame. If Newsies opened over two and a half years ago, that means we might have been messaging each other for 2 years. Or maybe it’s just a year. Last night I asked how long we’ve been in touch; he replied it had been at least a year.
Back in New York, when I was living in Washington Heights, I never met up with him because I couldn’t stand the idea of meeting up for drinks in Hells Kitchen, nor did I want to take the subway to Astoria (two subway transfers! Ugh!). I never invited him up to Washington Heights because who ever really wanted to go there… and I also believe he baby sat cats occasionally for some friends.
Over the past four months, as I’ve been settling into Portland, he’s probably been the one constant New York thing still in my life, and I am so incredibly grateful for that. And him. Even if the chatting usually happens in the evening (which means he’s up incredibly late on the east coast), it’s nice to hear someone with that New York energy.
A month ago, I went on a date here in Portland. I don’t think it went particularly well or excitingly, but walking home I decided to call Joey. So that night, post-depressing-date, I spoke to Joey for the first time. He was sitting in a bar in Hell’s Kitchen. I had just come from a dive bar in Portland.
I guess it was almost like catching a drink together.
Music I listened to while sewing: I’m letting Spotify randomly shuffle through my Starred songs this morning. It’s almost three years worth of music “Likes,” and it couldn’t be more eclectic and poppy. Kinda great.
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: Here’s something.
Since leaving New York last April to go to LA and then to Arkansas for different jobs (and then hanging out in Richmond briefly before flying to Portland), I have been more lucid and clear-headed than I have in a very long time. It feels that way. It feels like I go to sleep fully cognizant, not beaten down, and unencumbered.
I’m able to get up in the morning easily these days. Well, I’ve started to allow myself to sleep in until 6:45 to 7am instead of pushing myself to get up by 6am. There doesn’t seem to be a need to rush myself out of bed here. Yet, I’m able to lift myself out of bed and start my day without dreading that first step out. I know I need to walk The Dog, I need to get dressed, and I need to be at work by 9am.
I have things to do here.
Not like I didn’t have things to do in New York, but it was all so much looser. I could avoid things. I could spend an hour or two on this project in the morning. I could get to the gym on my way downtown. I could run my work errands when I wanted to do them. I was able to exist in New York, like 8 million other people, but float around untethered.
Maybe I wanted to be tethered?
I’m still trying to decide what kind of possibility exists here in Portland. If there’s no possibility or opportunity, I’m not sure how long I can stay here. I don’t want the chances of having a career designing and working on theater that I’m driven for/by to evaporate completely.
Not that this means I WANT to go back to freelancing and financial insecurity (jeez, paychecks that arrive on time are seductive), but I don’t want to stop being creative. I don’t want to lose my outlets. I don’t want to give up on the belief that something exciting could be around the corner.
I don’t know.
It’s interesting what happens when you have the time and energy and ability to think clearly.