Happy Saturday. Despite not being able to sleep, I feel a little refreshed.
Date: November 8, 2014
Days Spent on Project: 628
Location: NW Portland, OR
Person I would have sent it to: Danny R.
Danny R. was the best, best male friend of Evie G., therefore always seemingly by her side, the two of them sidekicks in the city, partners in shenanigans, and so on. They also were roommates in the apartment they shared on the Upper East Side.
When I met Danny (and Evie and Marianna and Rachel) in the summer of 2009, I was in pain and hurting. I felt like I was keeping it (barely) together in public, keeping that heart-heaviness inside, but I’m positive it seeped out into the world and was noticeable.
And, because I was in such pain, I wasn’t able to reciprocate what could have been something, with feelings (or hormones) briefly going back and forth between Danny and I. I did pick up on the signals, I tried to act on it, but ultimately I shut it all down passively. I didn’t want anything to happen in that area of my life at the time. (And how unfortunate is that, especially now that I worry that I’ve lost any chance with anyone at this point and time in my life.)
He was always fun, and much like Evie brought a lot of energy and experience to whatever or wherever he was at. Wish I could be more like that.
Music I listened to while sewing: I had nothing on this morning. Strange, how in New York, I needed music always playing in the background to keep me going and start the day. Here in Portland, it’s kind of refreshing to not have anything in the background.
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: Remember a week or so ago, I may have mentioned that the sister-Tumblr account to this blog was featured somewhere? About a week or so ago, traffic spiked heavily, and I would receive emails frequently with the updates on how many followers I had amassed in the past hour.
I was enjoying, in the past, maybe getting a follower every few days or once a week. Now, I gain about 40 followers every few hours.
I’m over 6600 followers right now.
I’m not trying to brag (really!), but it’s an interesting feeling to think about 6600 people seeing this work and liking it as much as they do.
And then you get emails (sporadically) saying the project is inspiring and beautiful because it’s gone on for so long and still has so long to go, that it’s humbling, that it’s exciting, and that it’s helping THEM to their own rough patches in life.
That’s a heavy feeling to have.
And a warm one, too.
I have no idea what to do today… but I do have some more reading and drawing to do.
Cheers to Saturday, everyone.