Block 512: November 7, 2014

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TGIF.

Date: November 7, 2014

Crane: 512

Days Spent on Project: 627

Location: NW Portland, OR

Person I would have sent it to: Rachel H.

Rachel was the fourth friend in that group that Alison introduced me to. The four of them- Alison C., Marianna C., Evie G., and Rachel H.- they’re such an incredibly tight knit group of friends.

When Rachel was living in New York, she lived down the street from me when I moved to the Upper East Side. She was at the very very very end of 79th Street, on the south side, overlooking the river (if she had a window that could see out). It was a small apartment. But it was a great area.

Back in 2012, when I had to vacate my apartment on Second Ave, I looked at a space that was available in her building. For the price and the space, I couldn’t do it.

Anyway, Rachel was an actor in the city with a very deep passion for Dance. She and Alison had that connection and interest together, and would go to concerts around the city.

Rachel also decided to start investigating grad schools when Marianna and Evie were going through the same process. Or maybe Rachel was the first to want to go back to school for acting… and Marianna and Evie decided the year later? I can’t remember exactly.

And Rachel was accepted to school… in London. She left the UES and went to the UK and finished her program and stayed there. I think that’s amazing. And she seems like she’s doing so well.

Music I listened to while sewing: “Into the Woods” today. They released another trailer for the film that’s coming out on Christmas Day.

I am so excited. And Colleen Atwood did the clothes so you know it’s going to be AMAZING (visually).

Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: Well.

There’s a part of me that thinks I could be really amazing, and that I actually am already quite amazing, but that I haven’t had or found my chance yet. I feel like I’m sitting on something here, that could have potential and go somewhere. I feel like I could go pretty far. Will my opportunity knock? Will things fall into place? Will I have to advocate for myself more, pushing for any chance, to get that opportunity?

I guess living in New York should have taught me that the meek don’t get silver platters presented to them easily. Looking back, with the hindsight of almost four months, I’m not sure I was ever going to get where I wanted to go– or felt I needed to be– with the personality that I naturally have. Yes, I had really amazing opportunities and experiences when I was in New York. I did; there’s no real way to deny that. But, I feel like those opportunities were just the taste that made me realize I wanted more. That I could do more. I don’t think that was necessarily a bad thing.

But maybe it was? Maybe?

Ignorance is bliss, sure; not knowing that all these amazing resources exist in that city, all these amazing people live there, that ambition thrives there… if I had never experienced that, would I be a more content person in general with who I am and where I am and what I’m doing and where I’m going?

I really want opportunity. I want an opportunity. I don’t know if it’s here, or what it is yet, but I want it.

Selfishly, I want this to be easier. (I know I’m good at this, darn it!) But, you know what: we’re all good at a lot of things, and how many opportunities are there to go around.

Really?

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