Block 499: October 25, 2014

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Everyone on Facebook is making me incredibly nervous about tomorrow’s Crane. They have this strange expectation that tomorrow’s will be incredibly amazing and awesome.

Tomorrow, in my need, will be another day to take one day at a time.

Date: October 25, 2014

Crane: 499

Days Spent on Project: 614

Location: NW Portland, OR

Person I would have sent it to: Jen, the Assistant Wardrobe Supervisor.

I really wish I could remember Jen’s name. I don’t.

Jen was the assistant wardrobe supervisor, to Eddie’s Super (He was Crane #88), who worked backstage at Come Fly Away.

She was always incredibly nice and proactive and pleasant and she knew how to get people on stage and in costume and under control. The two of them, Eddie and Jen, were incredibly fun to work with and really had a team dynamic set up. The two of them were always so in control and organized. It was so impressive.

I want that kind of relationship and situation with the wardrobe people here in Portland, and I do think it’s possible; I just need to find that other person here.

Anyway, Jen even- according to Eddie- lived in my last New York neighborhood. I think we might have been around-the-corner neighbors, in fact. I never did see her, but I wish I had. She would have been a fun contact to have in the old neighborhood.

Music I listened to while sewing: Today Spotify has suggested a playlist called “House Workout.” It’s a reminder that I need to get to the gym today.

Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: Last night, I was curious to go back and re-read some of the previous entries on this blog.

I was taken back.

I was unhappy, incredibly unhappy with life when this thing started out.

Not that life is perfect here or now, and there have been a lot of bumps along the way and I certainly don’t know how things are going to end up, but things are so much better now than I’m allowing myself to remember.

Yes, New York was awesome. Yes, I liked the idea of living there. Yes, I did like living there. Yes, I did like some of the people and experiences and places and opportunities there. But, no, I was not always happy.

And I think I needing that “hard out,” that drastic change that slowly started back in April when I went to LA for that workshop presentation (remember that?), then to Arkansas for Pippin, and then miraculously was shown the job posting for the job I currently have. Cutting the ties to New York, and not really thinking what moving 3000 miles across the country with 14 days notice actually meant, was probably the system reboot that I did need.

Yes, things aren’t perfect. Yes, I may not stay here forever. Yes, I’m still trying to adjust to life- not only in Portland- but to life away from my last life.

Who knows what’s going on, really?

But I do smile a lot more. And I’m thinking more clearly. And I have a place to go and things to do and people to interact with (at work). And it’s no longer about competing with 8 million people daily. I honestly don’t think I’m competing with anyone here… and that’s weird to say, but that’s what it feels like.

It feels like Life.

I guess. Mine. For now.

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