Is this something I really want?
Date: June 26, 2014
Days Spent on Project: 493
Location: Richmond, VA
Person I would have sent it to: Linda M.
Linda was another one of the stage managers on the Broadway production of Fela! As far as I remember, she wasn’t a part of the off-Broadway show; we had a much smaller support staff backstage then.
She was always incredibly organized and efficient and made things happen. I thought those two stage managers- Linda and Hilary (yesterday’s Crane) were really great at corralling all the different personalities and making sure everything was in place to get the show going as best as it could. The two of them, like all stage managers on huge shows, really had their work cut out for them.
Music I listened to while sewing: No music this morning, but my dog has decided to take a nap already and he is snoring loudly.
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: I think the reality of what I’m attempting to do is finally hitting home right now.
If I’m offered this opportunity, a big change is about to happen… and it would happen quickly. There wouldn’t be a lot of time to second guess myself and think about it; I’d just have to jump on board, wave goodbye, and head off on a new adventure. I have no idea how it would start, all the little transitional things that would realistically need to happen, but it would start fast.
And I had assumed I was ready for this challenge when I first was told about it. I assumed, with the experiences I’ve had, I could use adapt. Sure, there would be a learning process, but I thought I’d be able to recover fairly quickly.
Now, I’m not so sure.
Those pesky doubts; the longer this waiting game lasts, the more I want to shrink away from the opportunity.
But, you know, without a little risk, how else are you going to grow?
I don’t think I’m that much of an old dog that I can’t learn and grow and adapt and evolve.
And I don’t think I’m as inexperienced as my fears are telling me; I do have things to contribute.
It would be a change. But, change can be good. It can be an opportunity.
I’ve been wondering about how little room for change or growth there really is in theater work. The market is almost cutthroat because the supply of designers outweighs the need. (I feel it’s a little different for people who want to tackle the technical side of the work). Because you have to hustle so much for work early in your career, you take what you can get and work with what you have, but there isn’t much time for development or evolution. You just keep going.
People don’t want you to change; they want your style. They want to depend on your product. They don’t, with the danger of losing money or having no budgets/time/support, they aren’t always interested in growth. They want the show.
I think I’m being given (or at least shown) a chance to grow. And it’s a little nerve-wracking.