Change can be necessary.
Date: June 24, 2014
Days Spent on Project: 491
Location: Richmond, VA
Person I would have sent it to: Michael
I don’t think I know Michael’s last name? Hmm.
Michael worked as a draper at Tricorne. He helped to create a lot, if not all, of the Act 1 clothing for the Fela! female ensemble. It was always fun to have fittings with him; he had a nice, quiet, but really good energy that made fittings more enjoyable.
And I would also work with him on Priscilla… on one of the most awkward (but interesting!) fittings I’ve had in my life/career: custom g-strings for men.
Music I listened to while sewing: Again with the Robyn and Royksopp music this morning. My attempts at finding new running music failed.
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: In response to some people’s assertion that only people who “couldn’t cut it” in New York or “weren’t talented enough” or “good enough” to “make it” there… Whatever.
I don’t think it’s that I’m not good enough for New York. I think it’s actually the other way around; New York isn’t good enough for me. How about that? Sure, you have the most commercial, expensive theater in the United States and any kind of fabric source for costumes/clothing and museums that I do love and opportunities that aren’t available in small cities or towns or the suburbs. But is that #humblebrag enough of a reason to stay there? Does that zip code make you more real or exciting or better than anyone else?
Let’s not answer that for the moment.
Because I do think New York can have a wonderful effect on people. The city teaches you how to work hard, live without needing “space,” how to deal with less than urban life. It exposes you to a lot of culture and cultures. It isn’t a melting pot; it isn’t because no ones true identity gets blended completely away. New York is all about community and knowing where to find yours. Think about places like Chelsea and Hell’s Kitchen and Harlem and Jackson Heights and Washignton Heights and Williamsburg and Bay Ridge and Midtown and the Financial District. New York is about being surrounded by any random kind of person that exists on the planet. But it’s also, conversely, about isolating yourself from others. It can also teach you how to be, or what it feels like to be, completely solitary and alone.
I would never give up, or regret, the past eight years of my living there and the life experiences I’ve had because of it. I wouldn’t. I’ve floated pretty high at times; I’ve also sunk fairly low.
New York, I think you’re pretty great. But the relationship we’ve been having is getting a little uneven. Am I just bored with you? Are you not fulfilling me? Have we grown apart? Were we ever meant to be together? Are we together just because it’s comfortable to be together at this point… even though you have a weird way of making things uncomfortable at times? You’re familiar, which isn’t a bad thing, but is that keeping me from growing or being happy?
I say all this with the caveat that I have a few jobs that could potentially keep me in New York for a few more months.
I say this also with the caveat that those jobs aren’t contractually binding… and who knows what could happen.
Time for a run.