Now, my obstacle is being patient.
Date: June 18, 2014
Days Spent on Project: 485
Location: Richmond, VA
Person I would have sent it to: Today, let’s dedicate this Crane to Jack O’B.
He was also on Fela’s Team Sound, helping bring that madness to the stage. I’ve worked with sound designers ever since I waded into the professional world of Theater, years ago. But, with the past week’s announcement that the Tony Awards will no longer award a Best Sound Design award for plays or musicals, I’ve felt more than a little disappointed with the people leading that aspect of American Theater.
Jack was another person involved in Fela! who was incredibly excited by the work, by the project itself, by the experience and opportunity that the show gave us. I’m really glad that my first Broadway show was Fela!. I was surrounded by a lot of “new” energy and people who really pushed to make it happen. It was a lot of work, and I know a lot of people didn’t think it would get itself there, but it did.
There were a lot of great people involved in that show.
Music I listened to while sewing: Lana Del Rey released a new album this week, so I’m spending some time with it.
I really don’t know how she still has a career, but some of it is okay.
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: It’s strange. I feel like there might be a big choice to make soon, requiring a big change, yet I can’t act on it or plan ahead yet. There are two opportunities floating ahead of me, and they’re potentially exciting.
But, I have to keep operating as if the choice won’t be necessary. I have to proceed as if things will be normal and the same for now. Soon, I’ll have to leave Richmond and head back to New York City and get started for another season of busy work and slow times.
I’ve had so many occasions in the past few months where Change felt imminent. I’m trying as best I can to give myself a way out. As the months of 2014 have passed, though, none of those opportunities have ripened into anything substantial. I keep trying, however.
I guess these attempts — every resume I’ve sent out, every interview I’ve had, every “new” opportunity I’ve taken that’s seemed strange on paper — they all mean the same thing: I’m ready for a Change.
When that Change comes, it won’t be something easy. Going to the gym more isn’t the answer. Walking around New York isn’t the answer. Saying yes to more non-paying, low budget work certainly isn’t the direction. Cleaning my apartment or eating less take out or drinking more water, all those things aren’t Big Picture Solutions.
I’m trying to find a way out of New York, as sad as it is to write that. I think it’s time. I do not think it’s me “giving up” or “not being able to cut it;” I’m just tired of it. I’ve been absent from the city for 53 days now. Normally, I’d feel an urge to get back and get my life back. That urge hasn’t hit me yet. I don’t think it will.
I’m ready for something else.
I admit that there is a possibility that New York isn’t my end-game. I think something else might exist.
I’ve put it out there. I’ve leapt. I’m waiting for a net to appear.