Block 467: June 17, 2014

Cautiously optimistic today, but optimistic nonetheless.

Date: June 17, 2014

Crane: 467

Days Spent on Project: 484

Location: Richmond, Virginia

Person I would have sent it to: Jessica P.

Jessica was the associate sound designer on Fela!, both in the off-Broadway production and then later at the Eugene O’Neill when we opened on Broadway.

She had a passion for the work, which I felt made her a very integral part of the design team and the Fela! experience. I only had the opportunity to hang out with her once outside of the production; one evening, after working on the 37 Arts production, we went out for a drink at the Zipper Factory. It must have been fairly late in the process because I remember wondering and talking about what it would be like to work on Fela! a second time. What would that mean?

Years later, following her on Facebook, I gather that she is somehow involved in Sleep No More. I have no idea if that’s true or not. I hope it is.

I have no idea if it’s genuine or not, but her commentary on Facebook is always upbeat, positive, and thankful. If it’s sincere — or even if it’s not — it’s a great way to view life.

Music I listened to while sewing: Today is about pop music. I’m trying to find some new gems to listen to… What does it say that a song by One Direction is the most interesting thing I’ve heard yet?

Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: It’s been interesting to have been outside of New York for this long — 52 days at this point — and I still haven’t set a concrete date for my return.

Do I miss it?

Some parts, certainly. But the more that I think about those “parts” of New York that make me nostalgic, I’ve been realizing that I’m reminiscing about ideas of “parts” rather than actual parts.

My friends? Yes, I miss them. But how often do I actually see them?

The access to amazing restaurants and bars and the chance to go to them whenever I want? Of course I like to go out and be irresponsible. But how often do I do that and how many evenings are now spent at home because my dog’s company is sometimes more interesting/relaxing/exciting than paying for expensive food and drinks?

The Garment District? I miss that. If I were *doomed* to shop for fabric at Hancocks or Joanns for the rest of my life, I’d be sad certainly. But how often can I just go fabric shopping?

The museums and culture? YES. But, unless it’s free, I don’t really see shows anymore. The same goes for museums now too. It’s too expensive. (Sleep No More is probably the one exception, and I realize I haven’t paid for a ticket in over 8 months.)

New York feels like home because it’s been an eight year process of learning the city and learning to accept its difficulties and stress and steady aggressive push of motion. On one hand, I like the drive to live in New York. On another, I’m starting to realize not everything has to be so damn difficult.

As convenient and amazing as New York can be, you pay for that convenience. Those “highs” that come around and make it seem awesome are exquisite. Back in June of 2010, around 3am, as I left the Tonys Fela! After-party, I made a point to walk to Times Square. Standing in an outfit I had purchased the previous day for the occasion, after having sat in Radio City and watch work I helped create win a Tony, after having drunk just the right amount of weak alcoholic drinks, I walked into a Times Square that was still pulsing with light yet was quiet. The crowds were gone. It was New York, beating and glowing as aggressively as usual, but it was silent. And it was mine alone for that moment.

I took a cab home that night.

It was probably the most quintessential New York “You’re at the Top of the World” experience I’ll ever have.

Would I miss not having the chance to have that high again?

Would I miss out on opportunity?

Conversely, what other opportunities would I be allowing myself to have by not being there?