No sleep last night. Anxiety attack, for the win.
Date: April 17, 2014
Days Spent on Project: 424
Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC
Person I would have sent it to: Nathan L.
I don’t normally plan out color combinations for the specific person that I’m going to dedicate a Crane to but, strangely, today’s is appropriate.
Nathan was the resident sound designer at the Brown/Trinity Rep Consortium during my second (half) season with them. I will admit that I probably would never have met someone like Nathan if I hadn’t had the opportunity to work with the BRTC for a second season. Nathan is one of those… really fascinating, really engaged individuals.
Is that a good way to describe him?
Besides working as a sound designer, he also has a band that tours. He produces music. He also creates plays. He was also involved in that Occupy Wall Street movement that happened downtown a while back. Despite being in New York, or maybe because of being in New York, I never made myself go downtown to witness what was going on there. But Nathan WAS there, politically engaged and politically engaging.
I think he’s really cool.
Music I listened to while sewing: Jazz! Specifically, Artie Shaw this morning.
It’s making me want to watch the Ken Burns documentary Jazz again. I never finished it…
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: Well, here I am, sleepless and exhausted and worn out.
Last night’s panic attack was brought about by the overwhelming feeling that I’m in over my head and that I’m not good enough to be here or be doing this anymore.
I met up with my Pippin director in the afternoon to discuss some fabrics and color choices. I’m becoming more and more frustrated with the project, as I try to crunch numbers and figure out HOW to make this all happen. If I divide the budget equally amongst all the performers, I have just slightly more than $100 per actor, which has to cover (in most cases) several outfits apiece. Trying to shop fabrics is turning out to be difficult as I estimate yardages needed for the outfits and then calculate that I shouldn’t spend more than $7/yard. Which means my options are REALLY limited.
Long story short, there’s no money in theater.
And then, again, I’m thoroughly wading into the point of The California Project where I’m convinced it’s a waste of time and it’s terrible and there’s no hope and I have no idea what I’m doing or what I can achieve.
And then, courtesy of Facebook, there’s a lot of excited announcements from designer-friends on their summer projects. I know they’re probably in the same boat as I am with budgets and resources, but the grass really does look greener everywhere else!
And then, courtesy of email, two rejections for projects I was hoping to be hired for… one in July and another that would have lasted all Fall.
So, yesterday was AWESOME.
Today, some shopping for fittings in New Jersey tomorrow, followed by a coffee meeting about The California Project.
Things can only get better today!