Block 396: April 7, 2014

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Didn’t sleep last night. Today’s gonna be awesome!

Date: April 7, 2014

Crane: 396

Days Spent on Project: 414

Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC

Person I would have sent it to: Chelsea M. W.

Chelsea is Noah’s wife; I met her the weekend of Ming’s Clambake in 2006. I was so close to graduating from the Yale School of Drama, I had just passed my thesis project, and I had just opened (and recently closed) a production at the Yale Repertory Theatre; I was so looking forward to getting through the Clambake unscathed… and maybe with some jobs (I didn’t land any, and I’m not sure many did).

For three days, we were assigned to tables so that we could present our design work from the past three years of school. I had set models (Ming always insisted his students show off the set work) and a handful of costume work I had done. Noah, yesterday’s Crane, was across the aisle from me. His wife, Chelsea, came along to help him.

And it was fun to have Chelsea around that weekend. She always checked in to make sure things were going well. She took the time to see what everyone else was doing and showing. She was a regular social butterfly that weekend, which made it bearable… and possibly fun.

She and Noah would later move to Brooklyn. Noah found a job shopping at Winterling’s Costume Shop. Chelsea found one at Matera’s. We had the opportunity to hang out a few times over the following years and seasons.

They did move out to California a few years back. It seems like they’re having fun out there.

Music I listened to while sewing: I’m listening to Duke Dumont today, courtesy of Spotify. I’ve actually been listening to the same song on repeat, “I Got U.” I didn’t even realize it was the same song, on an endless loop… I just thought it was a highly repetitive chorus.

I need to go back to bed.

Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: Another night of waking up at 1am and being completely awake, mind racing, and ready to get the day started.

And it’s funny what you think about at 1am, when you realize you won’t be going back to sleep any time soon and you’re convinced you’re the only one up.

Why is it I’m always convinced things are over (in every possible way) at 1am? Why am I convinced I’m the lowest common denominator? Why do I feel like the best choice to make is to run away and give up?

A friend of mine, currently a first year design student at Yale, spoke to me yesterday. She wanted to refer my name to an artistic director at an opera company in Vermont. I would have loved the chance to work there, but I’ll be in another state at the time… so it’s not possible. When I mentioned that I’m going through a period in my career where I feel like I’m being tested (by only being offered work that doesn’t pay), she was taken back. “You went to Yale! You have an MFA from the best design program? Why aren’t you in demand?”

I responded, “I don’t know” and that “freelance is feast or famine.” Then I changed the topic.

I mean, I am working. That’s the good thing.

I personally just wish it would get a little more stable… both financially and emotionally.

At 1am, I was totally convinced I needed to cancel the California project. It seemed pointless; does the world need another play workshopped?

At 1am, I was convinced the best thing to do was call Goodwill and donate all my furniture and belongings, rent a car, and drive somewhere with my dog. Just work anonymously in a coffee shop.

At 6am, when the sun was starting to come out, things weren’t so bad.

Why is the night so difficult?

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