Block 315: January 16, 2014

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I actually really like this one. That background fabric matches that stained muslin ironing board cover like nobody’s business!

Date: January 16, 2014

Crane: 315

Days Spent on Project: 334

Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC

Person I would have sent it to: Alixa E…

… Or as I like to think of her, “Grace Kelly 2.0.” Talk about GLAMOUR!

Alixa was a year ahead of me at the Yale School of Drama, and also a costume designer. I never had the chance, or the nerve, to find out much about her background, but she was (in my opinion) the epitome of class. She always seemed put together, never exhausted, and always seemed to have a positive opinion about the entire grad school experience.

Her watercolor sketches always seemed very delicate and specific. I liked her costume work on the shows I saw her design at Yale.

There was a rumor in my class at Yale that she would go to New York City to shop for fabric or clothing for shows… but wear heels the entire day. Costuming in New York is just as much about schlepping things back and forth and traversing this city for hours; doing it in heels is a sign of strength. Or commitment.

I ran into her at B&J Fabrics over the summer; she was swatching fabrics for a friend, and I was looking for the cheapest silk chiffon I could imagine (it wasn’t at B&J… surprise!). We caught up for about 15 minutes or so. She’s now married and has a small girl who looks like a miniature version of her mom. You know that child is going to be brought up well.

Music I listened to while sewing: I’ve got a playlist of the music from Baz Luhrmann’s The Great Gatsby playing this morning. I’m now into the “period” section; I’m listening to Rhapsody in Blue currently.

Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: Didn’t sleep very well last night. I had a series of anxiety dreams that woke me up at 3am, and I couldn’t get back to sleep.

Dream Number One! I was hired to work at Sleep No More. I showed up for my first night of work, and was told I had to clear a desk drawer of all the ephemera and bric-a-brac for some reason. As I started to do, my “supervisor” ran in and told me I had 10 seconds to finish the work. I grabbed all the things I could and dumped them in a secret drawer… only to have my supervisor again run in and tell me to restore it immediately as the audience was approaching. I was also informed that this desk’s set-up was extremely important to the story, so things had to be replaced specifically, carefully, and exactly like they were a few minutes ago. I did the best I could, which wasn’t very good at all, and walked away.

Then I realized I would have to carry a laptop bag around the show; for the next 3 hours, I’d have to run around carrying someone’s paperwork and computer. I woke up then, extremely confused and disappointed in myself.

Dream Number Two! I don’t know where I was, but I think I was back in the bedroom I grew up in, in Brownsburg, Indiana. I was just sitting there, as a stream of “authority figures” would enter the room and yell at me for disappointing them, wasting their time, and failing as a person. I yelled back at one point, which only made it worse.

So… I’m feeling awesome this morning.

Where did those dreams come from?

Yes, I’m seeing Sleep No More again. I got a free ticket (yay!) for tomorrow and the next Friday (double yay!). I’ve been thinking frequently about *why* I like the production so much. I’ve also been thinking about my current attitude for much of the theater I see in New York. Perhaps it goes back to my experiences in 2013, but I’m sadly aware how much of theater is about a bottom line and not about the art. That’s a terrible thing to say, but everyone seems to be reminding me that it’s “show BUSINESS” first and foremost.

As far as feeling disappointed with myself, or other people being so with me… I don’t know. Truthfully, it’s not all about theater. If anything, it’s about me personally. To be blunt, I wish more people liked me for me. I don’t think that makes me odd to say that.

But, in the end, as I laid in bed, it was comforting to hear my dog snoring on the bed next to me.

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