Block 254: November 10, 2013

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At some point today, the Mercury Retrograde will end. I’m hoping once this passes, things will start looking up… or getting easier. There’s been a lot of miscommunication and conflict over the past three weeks!

Date: November 10, 2013

Crane: 254

Days Spent on Project: 267

Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC

Person I would have sent it to: Manager Steve.

Another entry for the “Boys I’ve Dated” File.

One summer, while I worked during the day as a file-boy at a doctor’s office, I worked nights and weekends at an Old Navy. It was technically my second summer there; I had been hired a year before when the store opened. (This was back in the late 90s when Old Navy was THE new store for all your fashion needs… I was living in the Midwest, too.)

When I returned for the second summer, the management staff had mostly turned over, as is often the case when working retail. We had five different managers- a head and then four that oversaw the “departments” within the store.

Steve was in charge of the Baby Department, which consisted of one small aisle with two islands of “items of the week” for the fashionable baby. I liked working in the Baby Department that summer.

I was 20. He was 25, an older man.

Our relationship consisted mainly of furtive glances from across the store, and quick conversations while I was on lunch break. He was bold, at one point, even asking to take me out. I accepted.

As a 20 year old, I’d only ever been kissed once before, awkwardly on an arranged date when I was in high school. That someone actually asked me out, wanted to be seen with me, on a date, in public and in Indianapolis, floored me.

We saw the movie American Pie. We held hands. We went to an Applebee’s or a TGI Friday’s, I think… they’re really interchangeable.

Things never really went anywhere; he was technically a boss at work, and I was working over 50-60 hrs a week so I could go to London in the fall for school. Things remained flirtatious, but ended on their own.

Music I listened to while sewing: Fort Fairfield! Again! Spotify, find me some new music!

Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: Kept myself quite busy yesterday. I got a lot either started or finished.

If I can just keep myself busy, focused on something, things feel good… as if I’m taking the right steps to move forward. I keep telling myself to keep laying the groundwork for the opportunities in the future; things don’t have to happen NOW but they need to happen eventually.

Need to figure out a way to balance this with my need for employment now. I’m struggling with the suggestion by an agent to work only towards the work I want. How do I do that and not take other jobs?

If I want to be the designer, I have to start turning down some of the assisting work- if not all- that I get offered. But then how do I make money?

Big question.

Maybe I’ll just have a really big bake sale or something. Ugh.

One step at a time.

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