Well, trying to stay positive. Life really does seem to like throwing curveballs this year.
Date: November 8, 2013
Days Spent on Project: 265
Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC
Person I would have sent it to: I think I have to break away from my time at the National High School Institute for now. It might be time to move on to a different area in my life.
So, back to boys. I’ll dedicate this Crane to Gene H.
Yeah, Gene. I don’t really know what happened there. Quick and fast, the flame burnt bright quickly and then… poof… extinguished in what I’m choosing to believe was confusion stemming from this Mercury Retrograde.
I think Gene figured me out fairly quickly, which probably frightened me. He did observe, perhaps rightly, that it was as if I hadn’t “been allowed to be a man in my own life yet.”
In so many ways, that hits the nail on the head.
[UPDATE 10/24/2014: Gene is a good man. I didn’t realize that. Looking back at who I was then (a year ago), I was in so much pain. I wish I had not been.]
Music I listened to while sewing: I kinda threw caution to the wind this morning, and played an Alexander McQueen fashion video this morning. I listened to “Natural Distinction, Unnatural Selection” about five times while cutting and sewing this Crane together. I’m kinda in love with this collection! And the music that plays with it!
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: What was that quote from John Lennon again?
“Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans.”
I feel like I’ve lost control of everything this week. In the past, what… three days, I’ve been offered a trip to LA (for free?) for potential work, I’ve been called by an agency that saw my work, I’ve been told to apply for a design masterclass that would happen in 2 weeks IN LONDON, I’ve taught several classes at NYU, I’ve been to Rutgers, I’ve realized the current show I’m designing isn’t going to “pay” me for the work I’ve started and I’m coming to grips with how much I want to do it, and my dog potentially un-exciting dental issues.
I’ve felt, in so specific order: excited, confused, nervous, happy, angry, taken advantage of, thankful, smart, poor, cornered, alone, desperate, and even calm.
I would like this weekend to go smoothly. I would like nothing to happen.
I would like more work to come around. I would like that work to actually pay me. I would like not to feel broke.
I would like to take better care of my dog. I would like to take better care of myself.
I wish people would respect my time, my work, myself as a person.
I would really like to go to London.I would like to throw myself at the feet of the people teaching this class. I would like not to come back.
Hmm. Well, my Friday requires that I do a few more things before I can really shut off for the day. Let’s get them done.
Ciao for now.