Block 236: October 18, 2013



Today will be my last Crane for a week. I’m heading out of town to open my show in Rhode Island, so this Crane will have to tide us over a few days. I hope to be back on the 25th, if things go well, so we’ll continue in seven days time…

Date: October 18, 2013

Crane: 236

Days Spent on Project: 243

Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC

Person I would have sent it to: Renee M.

Renee and I overlapped only once at the National High School Institute; my last summer was her first. She still works there, if I understand correctly.

She worked in the lighting department, helping to teach the students how to hang and cable and focus and gel all the lighting instruments that would be used in a rep plot for ten different shows over the summer. It floors me how much we expected and depended on these students, who were 16 or 17 at the time, to help us get all that theater prepped and ready over 5 weeks. It was a ton of work and, even though most of these kids who had never done technical work, they worked with us the entire way to get those visions realized. And we always did a good job.

About three years, Renee contacted me in New York. She was working in the city, about to get married, and wanted to have me look at her wedding dress and give advice on the necessary alterations. When she and I met up, she looked beautiful in the wedding dress, but it did need some work done to get it to fit perfectly.

I have an irrational fear of working on wedding dresses (no matter how often I’m asked, I always try to back out). While I talked her over things that I thought could be done, I gave her some names of people who might be better able to help her.

I did see pictures of her on Facebook, much later, and she did look great and very happy.

Music I listened to while sewing: Avicii! Today I’m listening to the entire album… and it’s kind of perfect for the morning.

Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: Someone (myself), despite having the opportunity to sleep in (8am!), woke up on the wrong side of the bed.

I’m really cranky this morning.

This isn’t good, as I have to get on a train in 4 hours and head to Providence to start prepping a show to open in a week. I believe the show is in good shape, so I’m not too worried about it.

I’m just in a funk.

I want to remind myself that I was floating quite happily 48 hours ago. I was  excited about things. I worry that this is just the natural progression; when you think to yourself, “Today is amazing,” what else can you expect from tomorrow?

I just hope and pray that this is all worth it and something happens and things work out and the light at the end of the tunnel is a reflection from a silver lined cloud. I just really want to know I’m heading towards something. I just want progress. I just want to keep heading forward and not backwards.

I just want… well, as a friend put it the other night, “you need a break.”

And not a break as in a vacation or a holiday or a day off, but a break.

Not to sound pathetic, but someone notice me. Someone acknowledge me. I’m more than fine to work my ass off to get your or his or her attention, but please… once I get your attention, let me have it.

Let me keep it. Stay with me?

Time to pack.

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