Slept in this morning! 8am!
Living Dangerously. Clearly.
Date: October 9, 2013
Days Spent on Project: 234
Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC
Person I would have sent it to: Chris A.
Chris was another of the set designers that I had the opportunity to work with several times over my time with the National High School Institute. In a word, I always thought he was ambitious. His one set design that sticks out in my mind is the one he produced for a production of Salome.
I had just finished my first year at the Yale School of Drama; all I could jokingly talk about what the cistern (“WHERE is it, again?”).
He put it off stage. (GASP!)
But, he also took the time to paint a gigantic moon that hung over the entire set, which was pretty cool. He, supposedly, painted the silhouette/profile of a woman in the moon. I say “supposedly” because I never saw it. Like a Magic Eye poster, I spent all my time watching that show trying to find that woman amongst all the work going on.
A few years ago, I learned that he was also applying to go to the Yale School of Drama; he was accepted. This is his final year. That I will have been a graduate for 8 years when he gets his diploma… it makes me wonder if I went super early.
Music I listened to while sewing: I learned yesterday that Lady Gaga released an album of remixes for her new single “Applause.” I’ve had those eight songs on repeat all morning. I’m trying to determine how I feel about them…
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: I feel great this morning.
Admittedly, this cold/fever has evolved into a case of congestion and I’m constantly blowing my nose, but I feel better physically.
After getting home from a marathon trip to New Haven yesterday, I thought I was just going to wallow around in my apartment in sweatpants and a hooded sweatshirt and catch up on Netflix. But I changed my mind and met up with a friend to talk for a bit. I took the dog with me, as he was strangely clingy last night.
That was a much better thing to do than sit on my couch and watch television.
It felt great just to talk, even if I was exhausted.
Among the revelations I had last night:
1) I’m actually, in ways, happier than I was a year ago. I’m happier than I was when I started this project back in February. I am treating myself better than I was a year ago, when I moved up here.
2) It’s okay to be frustrated with the work you do. It’s okay to want something more than the work you do. It’s even okay to want to stay in the same line of work that you do, but redirect the KIND of work you do. I like theater and design and Broadway and assisting and costumes and clothing and drawing and research and actors and dance and music; there’s no need for me to give up. I’ve learned (*realized* might be a better word) many things about the reality (i.e. the business side) of theater this year. I can’t say I like it all. It’s dangerous to say that, it is. But I like the people I meet. I like the work I get to do. I want to do more of this work.
That my end-game isn’t necessarily the goal I set out for myself when I was 16, 18, 22, or 27 when I finished grad school… that the kind of work I want to be involved in has changed… THAT isn’t bad. It’s a part of growing up.
To the people who read my frustration as a sign saying I need to quit: “No, it isn’t.”
3) I just need to be more: patient (this career is a marathon and you have to take the drinks of water you’re offered at every mile), gracious (we’re all doing the impossible), grateful (I’m still here, regardless), determined (I want it? Go get it), and active (no one is a better advocate for “Yourself” than “You, yourself”).
4) Being a freelance (BLANK), is okay. Being “freelance” is a career. Just because I don’t wear a suit or have 9 to 5 hours or an office or billable hours or a job with benefits does not mean I’m a failure as an adult or a drifter.
5) Not everyone can be convinced that Sleep No More is genius.
Okay, I have a compacted day today as I’m heading to Providence tomorrow for another marathon day of train travel and fittings and meetings. So much to do before then… So I need to get started.