Block 217: September 29, 2013

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Lazy Sunday over here.

Which doesn’t mean I haven’t been incredibly busy.

Crane: 217

Days Spent on Project: 224

Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC

Person I would have sent it to: Scott W.

My last summer at NHSI, I was designing four shows, managing the costume shop, and teaching a section of design for the so-inclined students. I had just graduated from the Yale School of Drama, and wanted desperately for the summer to be welcoming and a relief and comfortable. After that summer’s program, I was moving my stuff from New Haven to New York City… once I had found an apartment… and diving into the life of a freelance designer.

So, there was a lot of pressure on that summer. I needed it to be a place to come home to from a place and time of insane stress and expectations. I needed to be at NHSI more than ever, if only to feel okay again.

Scott was one of four directors I worked with that summer. He was directing a production of Urinetown (minus the songs), a show I had vague familiarity with, but no real connection to.

Scott was a lot of fun to work with. I think he really gave me the permission to go where I thought it needed to go. He even somewhat included me in the rehearsal process, asking me to stop by to give a talk about the clothes of the period (we were attempting to set it in the late 1940s) and the style (film noir!). It was great to feel like I was a part of a process, a team, trying to do something together.

That show is still one that I look fondly on. I use many images from that production on my website to this day. I even coincidentally ran into one of the actors recently in Brooklyn; we shared a quick trip down memory lane.

Music I listened to while sewing: I wanted to listen to The Shangri-Las this morning. I’ve got their song “Bulldog” in my head on repeat today!

But Spotify isn’t letting me listen to anything other than the music I’ve favorited in the past. This means I’ve got dance music on a heavy rotation right now.

Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: Just a few feet away, my dog is curled up in one of his many beds. He’s positioned himself facing me. He’s currently fading into another nap. His eyes lower and shut, sometimes they slowly open, but then they’ll close soon again. Perhaps it’s the way he’s laid his face on the edge of the pillow, but it looks like he’s smiling at me.

I’ll be blunt about it, because it’s an over-reaching feeling that I’m stuck in currently, and have been for weeks: I’m lonely.

I know I’m coming down from a very busy previous month, wherein I was working most days. I know I’m in the middle of one short film that’s currently shooting. I need to wrangle in this college production by the end of the month. I’m still busy. I need to hunt for more work now so that I don’t slow down after Halloween.

But I’m tired of saying that as an excuse. I’m busy. I’m working. I’ve got several projects lined up that I need to think about now. I’m tired of using my work as a reason why I’m not going out, why I’m not seeing friends, why I’m not dating.

I need to see my friends. I need to go out and see people. I want to come home to someone (other than my dog, you know).

I really do think a lot of my frustration recently deals directly with this… where did all my friends go? What happened to all the fun times I would have? Why do I feel so alone?

I’m kinda tired of kissing frogs.

Anyway, it’s a little blunt, sure.

Here’s to another week, everyone.

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