Today I woke up and wanted to make things happen. Universe, I’m putting it out there: enough of this waiting around. Let’s get it together.
Date: September 26, 2013
Days Spent on Project: 221
Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC
Person I would have sent it to: David C.
The summer immediately before I started my first year at the Yale School of Drama, which was my fourth summer spent at NHSI, I met David. My life was already in a small amount of turmoil; I had just finished two years working at Actors Theatre of Louisville, I had moved all of my stuff from Kentucky back into my parents’ house in Indiana, I had spent some time babysitting my sister’s children in Virginia, I was casually excited about the upcoming years at the YSD, and I was internally freaking out about the upcoming years at the YSD.
I drove to the dorm at NHSI in Evanston where I would be staying for six weeks. I said my hello’s to the people I saw as soon as I walked into the building. David was probably the second or third person I said hello to…
Have you ever met someone and instantly wanted to know more about them? That’s what happened.
Over the course of the six weeks, I did get to know David a little bit better. It was fun. I needed that fun. I wanted that fun. I think everyone around us *knew* what was happening. I don’t think we cared.
However, as my life was about to start changing severely with the Yale School of Drama looming ahead, David’s was also: he was going to spend a year abroad in Hungary, on a Fulbright scholarship. At the end of the summer, it had to realistically end and it did and I was, unfortunately, torn somewhat apart by it.
I’ve always had a problem being the “bigger” person when a relationship ends. I take it personally, and I can admit that now. I’ll own that. Sometimes it colors my opinion of the other person; sometimes permanently, other times my feelings return to normal. I’m working on that (by avoiding relationships!). I don’t like how I feel when people leave, and it’s been the over-riding lesson in my life that everyone eventually will leave you. Not very healthy or positive, but I am working on changing that opinion.
It took a year or two to feel comfortable around David again. He’s now in New York. We don’t run in similar circles, but I do run into him ocassionally. He’s now married to a great guy.
Music I listened to while sewing: I’ve got my “Chill Out” Playlist on this morning. I want to listen to Elle Goulding’s song “Burn” though. Let’s switch to it now…
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: For some reason, my dog has decided he wants to sleep in my bed again. He usually wakes me up around 3 or 4 in the morning, trying to jump in; I have to lift him up. He’s fairly particular about where he sleeps, usually where I’ve been positioned for the night, and he’s quick to anchor himself down and fall asleep again. I usually have to move or contort myself to fit comfortably.
But, you know, it’s an awesome feeling to have that happen… And it’s nice to wake up to find a French Bulldog curled up next to you, even if he’s snoring loudly or passed out on your arm or leg. It’s cute. It’s nice to feel wanted.
On a side note, I need to get out more.