It’s another weekend that feels finished before it ever got a chance to start.
I really need to unplug.
Date: September 21, 2013
Days Spent on Project: 216
Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC
Person I would have sent it to: Alexis C.
Alexis was a director who first came to NHSI during the summer of 2003, I think. It was the summer right before I started going to the Yale School of Drama.
She taught Acting in the mornings. She would direct a production of The Trial in the evenings. When I heard someone was planning on mounting a production of Kafka’s work with a group of high schoolers, I was… well… I was a little concerned by it.
Of course, I was assigned to design it.
And the design we ended up coming with was pretty great. We ended up clothing everyone identically, working with a few masks and accessories to identify specific characters. It was actually kind of fun in the end, and a really great production.
Alexis was someone with an intense, infectious personality. Her enthusiasm for the work, her passion to do it well, to really get to the bottom of things and bring the best out of her students was inspiring. I feel like she always questioned. I feel like she expected good, as in quality, work from the people around her. She also was interested in collaboration, which is always welcome but not necessarily guaranteed in this work.
Alexis was cool. I valued her friendship, her maturity, her sense of fun.
One year, maybe my last year at Yale, I took the Metro North train down from New Haven to Grand Central to meet her for an afternoon in the city. In a typically over-dramatic fashion, we saw each other from across the main hall and ran to each other, hugging one another in the middle of late rush hour traffic, laughing the entire time.
A woman stopped us and said: “That’s love, right there.”
Alexis could always tell a good story.
Music I listened to while sewing: Why am I listening to Miley Cyrus’s “Wrecking Ball” on repeat? Why? I watched the video last night; that girl is trying way too hard to be provocative and sexy and is therefore NOT very provocative or sexy. She’s just… young?
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: If the beginning goal of this project was to take time daily to reflect on who I am and where I’ve come from and the people who brought me to this moment, I have to admit I’m failing a bit right now.
I’m not treating myself in the best way currently. I’m not eating very well; I haven’t had the time to shop for food, so I’m relying on take-out or picking something up on the way home. I’m not sleeping very much; it’s not unusual to be up until 1am working or worrying or staring at a wall and then getting up before 7am to walk the dog. I’m not being very thankful for the work I have, but I’m getting jealous of the work that other people are doing. I’m super busy between the four projects I have going on, not including this Crane project, and I feel like I’m not giving each one enough attention. I’m just trying to do the bare minimum so I can move on. I haven’t been to the gym in two weeks. I’m not respecting myself personally; I’m getting a little desperate for any kind of attention from friends or an actual date. I feel like I’d settle for anything at this point. That’s not good. (You know, standards, and such.)
So I guess there’s a reason why I’m tired and feeling gross and drained and lonely.
I’m not sure what my schedule is today exactly. (Oh, how I wish there were a stage manager or a production manager on this web series!) It’s possible I’ll be done at 3. But I think I need to be in Brooklyn in less than two hours. Maybe? Yikes.
I think the best solution is to schlep my gym clothes with me to Brooklyn and get myself to my gym in Manhattan as soon as rehearsal’s done… 30 minutes of cardio is better than nothing. And then I just have to do Fresh Direct and get groceries delivered. And then maybe I just go off the grid for the night. Turn off my phone, you know?
Wish me luck.
Good luck, yourself.