Date: September 1, 2013
Days Spent on Project: 196
Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC
Person I would have sent it to: Mike J.
If yesterday’s Crane was dedicated to a man who, um, made me a man, then today’s Crane will be sent to the man who, um, made me more of an adult?
Not surprisingly, after such an awkward night and an extremely long and foreign walk of shame, I kind of swore off the idea of going out. I wasn’t really sure if it was worth it. I didn’t really know what I was doing. I was insecure. I liked it. It was fun. However, the experience taught me (even though it would take me a few years to have the emotional intelligence and respect to understand this) that I didn’t really enjoy the pursuit of an anonymous tryst. Yes, of course, when you’re young, there is a thrill in it. But, I’ve decided (for myself) that the thrill is mostly empty.
And I just know myself well enough now that, for me, there is no such thing as a “no strings attached” relationship.
So, like a good 20-year old, I swore off dating. And, like a good 20-year old, it lasted maybe a week or two before I was back out dancing and spending time out with my friends.
And almost just as quickly, I did meet someone. Only this time, the experience continued. I actually dated someone. For the first time ever.
I often joke that I had to leave the country to find a boyfriend, someone who was interested in me enough that they would work up the nerve to ask me out.
And so, at 20, I had my first dating experience; even though the the entire relationship couldn’t have lasted more than a month, and wasn’t anything that could last beyond my time in London, it did exist. So, I have to be thankful for the brief time together, the opportunity to hang out with someone who actually lived in London, to chance to experience London not necessarily as a tourist, the enjoyment of having a guy take interest in you. It was great.
And such a better first time than the experience prior.
Music I listened to while sewing: I’ve got a dance music playlist on this morning. I have yet to have an early morning dance party though… no coffee.
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: I have two albums in my apartment that contain pictures and mementos from my time in London. Looking through them is interesting, certainly sobering.
I was so young then.
The world was so different then.
My London adventures were in 1999, fourteen years ago. This was before cell phones became as commonplace as they have. This was before easy access to internet and email. I had a camera back then. The fit of my clothes was so… boxy? Jeans were a different wash of blue. Dress shoes were just starting to have a square toe.
It’s important to realize that the world isn’t evolving separately from you; the two of you are doing it together. Change just happens. We can’t escape it, any of us.
Also, I think it’s good to remember that we don’t necessarily have to be on this journey alone. We aren’t all really on the same journey together; we have the opportunity to find the people we want/can and bring them along for the ride.