Block 187: August 30, 2013

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Guys, I just realized Labor Day weekend is THIS weekend. It’s a three day weekend.

I wonder if I’ll get Monday off, actually…

Date: August 30, 2013

Crane: 187

Days Spent on Project: 194

Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC

Person I would have sent it to: John A.

When I was studying in London, at that acting program, there was only one (to my knowledge) other gay male in the entire program.

Only one besides me? Really. Wouldn’t you think that a program of 50 or so American students who considered themselves ACTORS would be a little more… um… gay?

It was the late 90s, I guess.

Anyway, again, I never had the opportunity to take classes with John. He and I weren’t cast in the same final production. I always enjoyed hanging out with him. I liked going out with him, which wasn’t very often.

I crushed on him hard, in other words. Much to my dismay, he soon had a British boyfriend for the duration of the semester.

Sigh.

Music I listened to while sewing: Today, I found a playlist on Spotify called “MTV Video Music Awards 2013.” And, besides a select few songs and artists, I could do without it. I guess that means I am officially not MTV’s target audience.

And I’m okay with that.

Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: So, there’s a website called “Heal Yourself, Skeletor;” do you know about it?

If not, check it out here!

It’s absurd, bizarre, yet oddly interesting to see Skeletor of the 1980s cartoon He-man offering self-help advice. It just is. But, every once and a while, between a few laughs, one of the sage pearls of wisdom he offers kinda hits home.

For example, a few days ago: “I do not mistake humility for self-esteem. It requires courage and confidence to stand back when you could stand out.”

I loved it so much, I shared it with some friends. One of whom didn’t seem to get it, claiming it to be slightly contradictory.

And therein, I thought the point was made.

My friend had made the assumption that the self-esteem in question was low or bad.

Being humble, or showing humility, should not be equated to low self-confidence.

We often think of the humble as having lower self-esteem than those who jump to the front of the line or are quick to share their opinions in conversations. We’ve been conditioned as a culture to think the people who are constantly present, constantly talking, constantly drawing attention as being the ones with a solid, healthy relationship with themselves. It’s a debate that brings to mind some recent discussion about extroverts and introverts. Why is it that we see the ones who don’t need, who don’t necessarily feed, off constant stimulation and interaction as being the people who lack?

Skeletor, it seems, is venturing this hypothesis: the meek might not necessarily suffer from low self-image. Perhaps the ones who stand back, who witness the situation and choose to sit on the sidelines, who allow someone else the opportunity to shine, they might actually possess a good deal of confidence and self-assurance.

I believe in my heart of hearts it takes a lot of personal comfort not to jump into every single possible opportunity, and claim it for yourself. It can take a good deal of awareness and wisdom to recognize that someone else might be better suited for a job or have a better idea.

Share. Don’t steal.

The question is something I think about frequently, especially as I work freelance in theater. Do I take every single job I’m offered? Realistically, I’m still at a point in my career where I have to. Even if I know I’m not the right designer for the job, I still have to take it. Even if I’m a little too busy and a little too exhausted, I take it. But is that right? I’m basically taking all the work because I want to get out my name and work out there. It’s technically ambition. But, do I also take everything and seek as much as possible because there exists in me a small fear that, if I don’t take it all, nothing will be offered?

Skeletor is deep.

Cheers and TGIF, everyone.

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