Date: August 16, 2013
Days Spent on Project: 180
Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC
Person I would have sent it to: Professor Tazewell.
Professor Tazewell was a relatively new hire at Kenyon; when I enrolled, I think he had only been there a handful of years.
I think that “newness,” that “youth” (not to say that he was necessarily young) made him feel like a fellow compatriot in arms. Whereas other people in the department had made a career of teaching there, having spent many years working there, Tazewell always seemed like the professor who still understood the questions we had, who could relate to the questions we asked, and saw where we were trying to go with things.
The cooler kids within the department flocked to him.
I think it should be said that he was a Kenyon graduate as well. He had gone through the department experience: loving and hating and mocking Aristotle, trying to get through that History of Western Theater paper, revering certain people in the department, dealing with Kenyon’s arts and social scene. He still seemed like he got it.
He was assigned to be the faculty mentor for myself and my classmates who elected to major in drama.
By the time I was going to graduate, he was also working on setting up a small film and video concentration within the department. Again, he saw what a lot of kids were interested in- he himself was interested in it- and he worked at making it happen.
He was consistent, intelligent, fun, amusing, and he tried to do things. I think he was, and is today, a valuable member of that community and that department for several reasons, not the least of which was his passion for theater and education.
Music I listened to while sewing: I’m back on that playlist for vaguely 1950s pop and jazz. Ray Charles and Ricky Nelson were just playing.
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: I’ve been thinking a lot about hubris, and what it means to be proud.
Is there a correct level of pride? When does it cross the line and become hurtful? Arrogant?
We’ve all heard that people who commit this act- boasting their excessive pride- ultimately get their comeuppance and will be cut back down to size.
I spent a lot of last night, into the very late and early hours this morning, thinking about the events that have transpired this past year and how hard it has felt to just live and get my life and work going. Why this year, why in 2013, did things just hit a wall and derail like they have? Yes, I’m working. Yes, I’m “doing this.” But I personally (and selfishly) feel like I’ve dropped down a few rungs in both work and esteem.
I’ve joked with friends that I’ve been cursed by someone. At first, they laughed at that comment, but recently a few have offered condolences.
So, like we all do in the middle of the dark night, I let my mind go there: did I actually deserve this? Have I been a bad person?
Much to think about between the hours of 11pm and 3am, yes, and not all constructive.
So, well. That’s how I’m starting my day. Off to work; I have an early fitting for an Elizabethan court gown this morning, so I best be getting ready!
Keep swimming. We’re all swimming against different tides in the same stream, you know?