Date: August 9, 2013
Days Spent on Project: 173
Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC
Person I would have sent it to: Professor Kipp.
My first year at Kenyon, I took an Introduction to Cultural (and then Social) Anthropology. The subject matter really intrigued me; both of those classes allowed me to relive all my childhood fascination with Ancient Egypt & Greece, Indiana Jones, and a supposed career in archeology.
Things turned out differently, didn’t they?
My junior and senior year, I was lucky enough to take classes with Professor Kipp. The second semester of junior year, after sadly having to return to to Ohio from my time in London, I enrolled in her class on Cross-Dressing across culture.
It was fascinating. We read book after book from different cultures on the practice, and how it’s been viewed throughout TIME. That she taught a seminar on this, and taught it respectfully, was amazing. It earned my admiration and respect.
My senior year, I asked if I could sign up for an Independent Study on Eastern Theater- specifically Japanese forms like Noh, Kabuki, and Bunraku. She seemed like she would be game for it. And she was. I was trying to round out my Drama studies by learning how other cultures have approached the practice on story-telling and theater; Kenyon’s Drama scene, while very intelligent and awesome, was grounded specifically in Aristotelian thought. After my time in London, I started to realize there were other things to read about and discuss.
Professor Kipp was very supportive of my wanting to learn, helped me find books and material to help me understand and know the history of Japanese Theater, and what they’ve given us.
At the end of the term, I wrote a 20 page paper on the subject. She wanted me to publish it; I can’t remember if I even pursued that seriously. Wish I had.
Music I listened to while sewing: I’m back on Spotify, listening to the playlist my LA sound designer friend and I have curated. It’s been a morning of early jazz, 1950s pop (which all seems to be about boys, girls, or heartbreak [has that really changed though- pop music?]), and some random classical and contemporary music.
Right now, in fact, I’m listening to PJ Harvey’s Teclo. Diverse, and a fun way to start the morning.
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: Gotta admit, I was up all last night. I feel slightly exhausted, and more than a little frustrated.
I have no idea why; the short answer of why I sat in bed for hours in the dark was that my mind was racing through a bunch of questions.
I was productive yesterday. The dog went on four walks (he even saw his friends at the dog park!), I went to the gym, I wrote for three hours, I sketched for a different project for 2, I went to the grocer, I did my Crane.
I’m just nervous today. Or bored? Or unsure.
Lots of directions are possible right now. Lots of things to look forward to. Lots of questions to answer.
And these are all good things, right? But how do you maintain that sense of excitement and not get overwhelmed by it all?
How do you accept that excitement and not get frightened of it?
How do you keep creating without getting nervous that it’s not right or good? How do you trust that the work and road ahead is a long one and that you just have to keep going?
I remind myself that it’s NOT good to evaluate your work hourly or daily… You have to look at the progress you’re making, yes, but allow it to breathe a bit.
And if you aren’t satisfied, keep working at it until you find a way to make it satisfying agin.
Lots to think about.
But it’s the weekend, everyone!