Happy Monday, everyone. Another week begins!
Date: August 5, 2013
Days Spent on Project: 169
Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC
Person I would have sent it to: Professor Holdener
If you’ve followed along with this project, I’m sure you’ve pieced together that I work in theater, and was a theater major millennia ago back in college.
But what you may not know is that I am, or at least I WAS, really good at math.
Kenyon requires you take at least an academic year’s worth of classes in four disciplines, so that students get that “well-rounded” liberal arts education. The areas were: natural science, social science, the humanities, and the arts. It wasn’t a difficult thing to schedule and work around at all. I chose my first year classes around this requirement, just to get it out of the way; I had an academic year of Drama, Spanish, Anthropology, and then MATH.
Professor Holdener taught that first semester of Calculus, in a basement computer-filled classroom on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays. It met at the ungodly hour of 8am.
I was, and remain, a morning person, so I enjoyed the schedule.
And, over the course of that first semester, and a following second one, I learned that I had a knack for Calculus. I understood it; the rules and laws and functions were concrete. They weren’t flexible, nor were they up for subjective debate. You learn your way around guidelines and then things happen.
And because I “got it,” I kind of enjoyed it.
Imagine my surprise, and pride, one day when Professor Holdener asked me if I was planning on majoring and focusing my studies in the Math Department.
Imagine her surprise, when I replied that I had already decided to major in drama. (At that time, my focus was acting; it would only later evolve into design.)
That memory sits with me, and I still enjoy it. So, I’d have to thank Professor Holdener for the vote of confidence.
Music I listened to while sewing: Today, I’m a bit boring. I’ve just got top 40 on. Right now, it’s Macklemore and Lewis. It had been that Robin Thicke song (“Blurred Lines”) a few minutes ago.
I’ve learned I don’t enjoy that song.
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: Today, I’m thankful for having outlets in my life.
I’m thankful that I’ve made “going to the gym” a priority, and that I’m able to run out my frustration or boredom or sadness or confusion and turn that into, if not happiness, then at the very least contentedness.
I’m thankful that I got my new sewing machine and I’m back at this project. It takes me about an hour and a half to cut out the pieces, stitch them together, and then write about it. That can be a long time, but it’s nice to have an hour and a half in the morning to “do something” for myself… and have that be creative.
I’m thankful that I get the chance to be creative with this project and also with other things in my life. Yes, I’m incredibly frustrated with my design career right now, but I’m not convinced it’s time to throw in the towel… because it’s the work I know and it’s the work I’ve always done and nothing else has come along to take its place.
I’m thankful I have my dog. Right now he’s purring on a pillow next to my feet. And it’s pretty great to have him be the anchor in my life that gives me a concrete day-in-day-out schedule. I’m glad he taught me to realize there are things outside myself that matter… and give meaning.
I’m thankful for New York. Even though it’s hard and lonely and expensive and overwhelming, it’s also incredibly full of possibility and life. It’s weird. You never know what’s going to happen daily. That the unexpected is normal is kind of cool.
I’m thankful for fantasy and possibility. I’m trying to live with the possibility of fantasy in my life. I’m trying to walk through life thinking that things are still possible; even if they aren’t, I’m learning to allow myself to fantasize that they are.
On this day, and any day, it’s all possible. You choose not to let it be. Fantasize about it.