Date: July 17, 2013
Days Spent on Project: 150
Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC
Person I would have sent it to: Poppy F.
Poppy was a rugby player who complimented Trevor B. at Kenyon. I always assumed they were best of friends, getting along perfectly.
My second year at Kenyon, she ran the Crozier Center, which was… well… for lack of a better term, it was the “Women’s Center” (really?) that served as a meeting place for various groups on campus. It was an actual house, living rooms and kitchens on the first floor, kitchen in the back, front porch (the architecture at Kenyon could be succinctly described as New England by way of the Midwest). Poppy lived on the second floor.
Because Poppy was a friend, we held a few cast parties at Crozier. The student LGBT group also met there weekly; my first year, it was a Wednesday night event to head there and be a part of that community.
I’m starting to believe that I was incredibly lucky to go to Kenyon, and to have met all these people. We were all unique. We all wanted to be there. Maybe I surrounded myself with a specific group of people, but we all enjoyed learning and thinking and being a part of that small college. You just had to: stuck in the middle of nowhere, on a hill in the middle of cornfields, in a reasonably small community of people.
There were only around 1500 students there then. You kinda knew every body. Even if you didn’t, you recognized them and saw them daily and they were a part of your life.
Maybe I’m waxing nostalgic here. Maybe I’m coloring my memory with rose-colored glasses. Yes, it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows there, but it felt like a community. And that community was filled with really intense, smart, driven, and intriguing people.
And that was pretty awesome.
Music I listened to while sewing: Take a guess…
Sleep No More. I really need to buy a ticket again soon. Maybe when this heat wave breaks, and the thought of running around a 5 floor warehouse doesn’t seem overwhelmingly hot.
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: I want to find my community! I just really do.
I’m home now. It’s quarter to 7 on this Wednesday night. The dog and I just took a 20 minute walk. He hasn’t touched his dinner yet; he’s plopped himself in front of a fan. I’m pooped myself.
I’ve spent the last week at a “lab” for young directors and playwrights. And it’s exciting to be surrounded by people who love this art and want to create and talk about things with energy and enthusiasm and possibility. I really wanted to find a director that I inspired me, that pushed me, that intrigued me. I met several of them, even a handful of other designers, and it was… just… nice?
Selfishly, I want to find someone to inspire me. I want to find someone who gets inspired by me.
I want to find someone who gets excited to see me and talk to me and work with me, who challenges me and supports me and confuses me and leaves me wanting for more.
I really need the chance to create something with someone. I really want to go back to those old days of working in a group and creating and playing and being heard and go away from these productions where you just work and just get things done and just go about your business.
I wish I had the confidence in myself to know that I will meet that person eventually. I wish I had the confidence of knowing that person or playwright or choreographer or company existed.
And I wish I had the strength to just create. If there isn’t someone out there who gets me, I should just make my own opportunity, yes?
I’m not getting any younger. I have ideas. I have things I’d want to try and do and make. Why don’t I just do?
Okay, before that, a nap first…