I’d say TGIF, but I’m working today… and tomorrow… and Sunday… and Monday… and then I go into another tech rehearsal process for a week.
I seem to remember a time this year when I had more than enough time on my hands, so much time, in fact, that I wished I were busier.
Ugh; the grass is always greener.
Date: July 12, 2013
Days Spent on Project: 145
Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC
Person I would have sent it to: Carrie B.
Carrie was a Dance major at Kenyon, one of the very few people who chose to focus solely on that. Yes, there was a fairly committed group of students who took all the classes, danced in all the concerts, and participated in the dance student groups that we had. But, Carrie was- I think- one of two students who majored in it.
And that dedication is pretty cool. She was always more advanced than I was, concerning dance, so I only had the opportunity to dance in one of her pieces once.
Our second year at Kenyon, she was the fifth person to round out the Student “leader” of the Kenyon College Drama Club, as our Dance Vice President.
I always thought she was fun, she laughed easily, but took her work seriously.
She now teaches dance at a University; I’m glad to know she’s still dancing. That she still has that passion for it.
Music I listened to while sewing: A “dancefloor” playlist this morning. Again, I need a little pep in my step…
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: It’s important for me to remember that I just need to keep swimming. That I just need to keep taking steps.
My friend Sydney has told me that she spent an entire year not being able to find work in theater design. She spent that year doing random jobs, retail and temp work, until she found her footing.
A friend has reminded me he took a year to work UNPAID in a regional theater when he needed time to refocus and regroup after a hard time in New York.
I know I’m just tired. I honestly haven’t had a “day off,” or even time to myself, in more than a month at this point. I’m aware that I’ve unfortunately been attached to some difficult projects this year, and that I’ve had a fair share of difficult working relationships along with that.
SO, while I fantasize about forsaking theater and design and art and freelance, why don’t I just acknowledge that it’s time to pack those unpleasant experiences away and shuffle them in with all the other baggage I carry with me at this point. I don’t think I’ve reached my threshold of tolerance with Theater or Design at this point.
I think I’ve just learned, RE-learned actually, that I have a low tolerance for companies and people who try to take advantage of your work. Back in 2008, I had a similar realization; I swore I would never work for someone again who would pay less than $500 for a complete design. Why did I go back on that this year?
I was bored.
I learned then that I was never happy with my product on such low budget productions. I was always tired and pulled in too many directions. I never had time to get it right. So, I believed I was done with those productions.
Well, in 2013, I learned that lesson again.