Date: June 11, 2013
Days Spent on Project: 114
Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC
Person I would have sent it to: Karen M., the middle daughter of Nancy and Dave M.
She also babysat us. Do teenagers still do that? Babysit? Or are “kids these days” too busy to have free time at home without mom and dad?
Music I listened to while sewing: The Original Broadway cast recording of American Idiot, the “Green Day” musical.
I saw it as in the last weeks of its time at the St. James. I just realized how weird that theater choice is- one of the characters, a drug dealer, is named St. Jimmy. Yeah, sometimes I’m quick like that.
Anyway, it’s much better than I remember it! Hindsight!
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: I guess things do happen for a “reason.”
Although, like daily horoscopes, I’m fairly certain that those reasons are incredibly superficial.
So, if I hadn’t been fired from that one “financially rewarding/creatively numbing” job in the most backhanded of ways, I’d already be working 9 hours downtown, not including the evening hours spent on the phone with people in different parts of the country and emailing all the day’s pertinent info to everyone else. I’d be making some money, which would be incredibly nice at this point. I’d also be earning a really nice credit on my resume.
However, I’d also probably be frustrated daily by what I could tell was going to be an “organic” and “flexible” process. I’d also be earning another credit as an “Associate Designer.”
Which is nice, but…
When I decided I was going to leave my job at a very nice and well-respected regional theater ten (TEN!) years ago, and get my MFA in Design from the Yale School of Drama, it was because I was tired of being the “assistant,” the one to do the errands, the paperwork, the schlepping. I wanted to be the one in charge. I wanted to make creative decisions. I wanted to do the things that I had set out to do in high school and college.
After being fired in the most sketchy way, I made a point to talk to some agents about representation in the future. All agreed: I was a little young (mid-thirties?) and a little inexperienced to need an agent at this point in my career. Which I get. As annoying as it is to hear that, especially as I’ve been going over my resume frequently, it’s true.
I have great names and shows and places on my resume, but most (not all, but most) have been as “the Assistant” or “the Associate.” While I’ve learned a lot and done a lot and seen a lot, I’ve not necessarily been the one making the creative decisions.
I think it’s time to redirect that. Yes, making money is nice, but I need to get new kinds of work. The Tempest, in July, is a start. The Lincoln Center Lab will help. From the Realm of The Shadow was another step along the way.
And I’m meeting with a producer and director today about a small show in July. It’s at a good downtown theater, which would be an excellent addition to the resume. There’s no budget, of course, “like there always is.”
Only this time, there’s no money to be paid.
One day at a time. One step at a time. One job at a time.