It’s gray and raining and abnormally cold this morning.
I’ve also been up since 3am. Couldn’t sleep because today is just going to be one of those days where a confrontation is inevitable.
Date: May 25, 2013
Days Spent on Project: 97
Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC
Person I would have sent it to: Julie B., another great and fun friend from Brebeuf’s junior and senior years.
She was just fun. And quirky. And positive.
She made me laugh.
And she had a really great sense of style, in that 90s vintage/thrift/grunge/cute way.
And I will never forget in our junior year, receiving one of her school pictures (we did that back in the 90s; does that still happen?) during one of our shared breaks. On the back of her photo, showing her smiling at an unseen cameraman, she had written:
“With a name like Smucker’s, it has to be good.”
I don’t know why I found and still find that so funny. I have no idea why I can remember that photo and reading her handwriting on the back of the picture. But it was and is funny. And I remember it clearly.
Music I listened to while sewing: Actually, as it’s Saturday and I’ve been up since 3am, although still sitting in bed until 6am, I decided to forgo music. I’m listening to the traffic on the George Washington Bridge and a few birds who are brave enough to weather this weather.
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: If yesterday is a lesson in learning to let go, today is going to be a lesson in standing up for myself.
As I said earlier, I wasn’t able to sleep last night, and I feel a confrontation approaching.
I’m in a bad position at work with this big musical, for a variety of reasons. I’ve been working seven days a week for two weeks now and have yet to see or be offered a contract. I’ve hired a friend to assist me, and have been told there may not be money to hire or pay her. The person who would normally advocate for us is refusing.
So, yesterday, I started to push back. If my designer refuses to stick up for the team I’ve assembled (and she gave me permission to do so), it’s now seems to be my responsibility to negotiate things that should have been worked out already.
I don’t want to see angry or bitchy or whiny or that I’m not a team player, but after repeated phone calls and voicemails and emails that haven’t answered my concerns, it seems that something is happening.
Either way, it doesn’t feel good. They don’t want to pay my rate, or have me work the time allotted. They don’t want my team of assistants on board. The designer doesn’t seem to understand that we’re on her side, we just need her to stand up for us.
I have a very unsettled feeling today.
Well, if I lose my job, I’ll be upset. But what can you do?
If I get what I’m asking for, awesome; I’m committed to you.
But if the process is this uncomfortable already, what’s it going to be like when we’re all working together for 16 hours a day?
Hope your weekends are warmer and more upbeat than mine.