Still on the tone-on-tone kick. I think it’ll make a difference in the long run with the final product.
I’m reminding myself it’s good to surround yourself with supporting players, instead of trying to create lead roles with each encounter.
Date: May 22, 2013
Days Spent on Project: 94
Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC
Person I would have sent it to: Today, I’m just going to go back to high school and start working my way through the very large group of people that really became my posse, the people I always looked for and scheduled my classes and lunch breaks around, the people who’s opinions made my world, the people who really taught me what a social community could be again.
It’s hard to think that after two incredibly messed up and emotionally difficult and, dare I say it, damaging years, I found a core group of people that made me feel welcome and unique and important and nice and smart and attractive and a part of something.
Today I will dedicate this Crane to Hannah G.
She was incredibly smart and confident and artistic and driven and proud and she always smiled and she WANTED to do theater and perform and be an artist and she made an crazy bold move and cut all her hair off junior year (very 90s Demi Moore) and she was gonna go to a good school and do something important and be famous.
I always felt a little stupid around her. But I felt like I was a peer and a good friend.
She also was the person who asked me to try out for our junior year production of Godspell, wherein I landed the lead role. That started a BIG change.
So, Hannah, thank you.
Music I listened to while sewing: Daft Punk’s new album. Everyone is super excited about it. I was kinda indifferent? I think I’m no longer the person I was when I first started listening to them.
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: You know, it really got me today how much this project is following my life and teaching me about the people around me.
I chose to set out to make a 1,000 Quilted Cranes for each person in my life that, I believe, has contributed to the person I am right now… But it gets me, especially today, realizing with these tone-on-tone Cranes that these people in my life have all supported me and all changed me and all held me up throughout my life.
Yes, eventually, the hope is that with all these cranes, they will, from a distance, blend in together and crane a timeline of color and pattern and shape. Up close, you’ll see the individual characteristics and imperfections (because I’ve also chosen to embrace where the lines or points don’t meet) and different patterns and combinations because, symbolically, each person in my life has been a unique entity that has colored or shaded me.
I’m just struck how aware I need to be of all the supporting players in my life.
I’m just aware that, in a way, everyone has supported me.
I’m learning that I’m the principal role in my life.
And, if that’s the case, the action and plot follows me. So I have to make a choice. I need to decide. I need to be proactive. I need to stand up for myself and be present and do the best I can and move on and adapt and let things linger and interact and notice and be noticed.
I’m not trying to be ego-centric, but remind myself that we are the leading players in our lives. And there can’t be leading players without supporting ones. And featured ones. And guest stars. And stunt casting. And understudies. And swings.
Think about that.
You are your own leading role. How have you lead today?