I started my day feeling explosive, but in a good way.
I’m ending it now also feeling explosive, but in a bad way.
Date: May 16, 2013
Days Spent on Project: 88
Person I would have sent it to: Today I am dedicating this Crane to Eddie H.
I just spent a half hour on the phone with him. He very politely confirmed that I’m not insane or being rude or presumptuous (regarding the day I had with a project).
He also amazingly offered to help me tomorrow afternoon. We’re going to sit in a Starbucks in the garment district and plow through some paperwork. How many people would offer to go through a 50 page document, line by line, and add helpful information so I can present a realistic rebuttal to my management team? For free?
I think Eddie is a star. A great wardrobe supervisor. Very organized. He knows what he’s doing.
Plus he has a realistic understanding of what costume design means. And how much work it entails.
So, Eddie, thank you for letting me vent a bit. Thank you for the wisdom… and trying to steer me off the metaphorical ledge.
Music I listened to while sewing: More pop music. More cotton candy for the ears. Nothing deep.
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: I didn’t have time to write this entry when I finished sewing my Crane early this morning. I had a day of meetings and prep-work for said meetings, which meant all my time was precious up until now.
I really wish I had done that now. If I had written this at 9am, it would have been cheery and lovely and full of “we’re all in this together!” emotions.
I have not had that day, so my thoughts are a bit off right now.
You know, sometimes, when we get what we wish for, the reality of that wish isn’t what we bargained for.
Sometimes a job is more difficult than imagined. Sometimes your superior isn’t amenable to what you need. Sometimes it’s just an uphill battle. Sometimes your dream life is just work in disguise.
I work in theater. Maybe you’ve picked up on that. I design costumes. I’ve been doing it professionally (meaning I’ve been paid to do it) for about 14 years.
As I take steps forward in my career (and I’ve done some really cool things), I’m consistently amazed that the problems don’t disappear. In fact, they get more noticeable.
I really do enjoy what I do. I’m not trying to sound obnoxious. But there comes a point when you look around the room and hear what you’re saying and then you think to yourself:
Why am I trying to argue diplomatically with a management team about needing to be paid? About needing to be able to afford dance shoes? About needing money to get alterations done? About needing to provide underwear for actors? About needing to hire a wardrobe department?
Sometimes your dreamed for job just seems ridiculous.
Anyway, sorry for bringing my real life into this project tonight. Tomorrow will be a better day.
As much as I don’t want to do this, I’m going to have a glass of wine tonight.
Better thinking and feeling tomorrow, hopefully.
Hope you’re well.