Date: May 6, 2013
Days Spent on Project: 78
Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC
Person I would have sent it to: Mr. Hicks, my sophomore Speech teacher.
I don’t know if this was a unique class to Brebeuf; did other high schools make you take a semester of Speech, to improve public speaking?
Every other week, it seemed we were assigned a “type” of speech, a length, and were called up to stand in front of our classes and talk.
I think it was in THIS class that I finally began to find and own a bit of the self-confidence that I needed to start developing as a person. Because, regardless of topic or style, I seemed to be good at it. I found myself to be funny, without needing to be insulting or rude. I found that I enjoyed writing the assignments out.
I was certainly not the best student to ever take that class, by any stretch of the imagination. But that class allowed me to believe that I had a skill for something: I could get and hold people’s attentions.
I also learned that it was okay for me to have people’s attentions directed at me.
Having come from a public school where I wanted to disappear and never be seen by anyone, the realization that I was, in fact, good enough for people to see what revelatory.
Thank you, Mr. Hicks.
Music I listened to while sewing: I read Shakespeare’s The Tempest last night. For some reason, it made me want to watch the movie Cloud Atlas; which isn’t available on Netflix yet.
So, I made a point to listen to the soundtrack online.
While interesting music, for sure, I think it’s convinced my subconscious that today will be a bit moody. Not the goal I had in mind…
Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: I’m feeling a bit adrift today.
Again, I have nothing pressing to do today. I need to get to the gym. I need to turn in receipts from last week’s production. I need to read The Tempest again. I should start researching what The Tempest could look like.
Things will heat up a little by the end of the week, when I’ll have a meeting to sign my contract for the Tempest.
But in the meantime, I need to tell myself NOT to fall down on my hopes to take steps forward with this project.
I should not stay up late, surfing the Internet or checking Facebook or watching movies or staring at the ceiling. I should be putting myself to bed and catching up on the sleep that I didn’t get last week.
I shouldn’t head out to dinner or order take out. I should take the time to eat healthfully since I have the time to do so.
I shouldn’t get too comfortable with “doing nothing.” I should remind myself that procrastination is not a friend of a freelance designer.
Yes, it’s important to recharge. But it’s also important to keep moving, to keep on your toes, to stay sharp, to put in some effort.
I’ve been down this road before. I’ve been easily tempted by “nothing,” and I know that I can very easily get depressed by the inactivity.
As a friend recently said, “You’re always happiest when you’re too busy to stop.”
I understand that might be its own problem.
Maybe my goal today will be moving towards balance.
Here’s to hoping we all seek and discover our status quo.