Block 71: April 29, 2013



This means I’m just over 10 weeks with The A Thousand Quilted Cranes Project!

This also means I have just over 130 more weeks to go!

Two and a half years!?

Date: April 29, 2013

Crane: 71

Days Spent on Project: 71

Location: Apartment, Washington Heights, NYC

Person I would have sent it to: If yesterday’s Crane was for Mrs. Laycock, the Math teacher who drove me to and from school everyday for the better part of my first year at Brebeuf, today’s Crane goes to Ryan B., who also rode with us.

He just lived down the street from me and, in a community the size of Brownsburg, I have no idea how I never knew of him before we were introduced on that first day of my freshman year, when my mother dropped me off at his house around 7am so we could be picked up together.

Later, when he got his driver’s license, he would drive us to school in the enormous old-school car that he bought. It felt like we were driving in a boat.

He and I weren’t best friends; we ran around in different circles, he being a year older and on the football team. I was still shy and quiet and finding my own way.

Later, when I got my own license and my own car (a Saturn SL1!), I started driving myself. Once that happened, the one tenuous connection we had was broken.

It’s strange that in a school with somewhere around 600 students, you really can not be a part of someone’s radar, you know?

Music I listened to while sewing: A grey and slightly rainy Monday here. I’m listening to my Chill Out playlist on Spotify.

I’m avoiding today a bit. I don’t want to get started. I want the week over already. I want more time.

I just need to get going.

Thoughts/Feelings behind the block: I’m in a place right now where I’m filled with some self-doubt…

I’m doubting my will power. My artistic sensibilities with design. My “eye.” (The creative, designer one… not my eyesight). My ability to get people to trust me. My ability to get people to believe in me.

As I gear up for this “workshop” performance later this week, I keep telling myself that expectations aren’t *that* high. The budget is limited. There’s so support staff. I only had about 2-3 weeks to do this. The piece was being “discovered” in rehearsal. There are only two showings.

I keep telling myself it doesn’t have to be perfect; I just need to get the basic thoughts out there, try to put something cohesive onstage to help tell the story. It doesn’t have to be perfect or ground-breaking.

It’s just a simple sketch to help the audience see the story.

At times like these, I wonder if I’ve skewed my design sensibility in the past few years. As I’ve taken more work as an assistant, I’ve had the great opportunity to work with older (i.e. more experienced) designers on projects that have resources available to them. I think these projects and past few years have spoiled me.

It’s more important, for this project, to supply what you can, be supportive, and make a choice.

I’m capable of that.

I’m starting to believe  that this doubt I have is actually something I’m going to have to live with… Don’t we all?

Who is lucky enough not to experience doubt?

And does that make them lucky… NOT to experience doubt? Or, rather, unlucky?

Okay, friends. Off we go. The week isn’t getting any younger!


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